


Sail the black ship

by Anon_H



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, Crack, Flushed Romance | Matesprits, Multi, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Shenanigans, mspaint - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-28
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-24 22:18:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 31,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/945308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anon_H/pseuds/Anon_H
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Vriska and Rose, having established a succesful kismesitude want to help their partner Kanaya find a proper black romance as well. And they think they found a candidate in John Egbert........</p><p>Meanwhile, Jade is having trouble with the unwanted black advances of Terezi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Feel the black winds blow

**Author's Note:**

> In which I take a non-serious concept and will attempt to write a semi-serious story.

“Half an hour late…… Just the way she likes it.” Rose Lalonde casually strolled through a small town on the planet they created. 

The game had been a monster to beat and to this day Rose wasn’t sure how they ever accomplished such a feat. Time/Space shenanigans, another cherub, two magic rings, an malicious alien empress and a certain heir of breath unwrapping the very fabric of reality all went into bringing the cycle of Sburb to an end, but no one seemed to be aware how it had all fit together.

But the spoils were definitely worth it.

Not only did the surviving players get to keep their powers and a new planet to call their own but the dead alpha trolls were revived and miraculously hit godtier. Rose would have called the game out on such a terrible cliché had it not been incredible welcome against the final form of Lord English.

The planet was awfully similar to earth but evolution had taken a turn for the weird; the creatures that inhabited the planet were very short, had a bright yellow skin and strangely shaped heads that ended in points. Jade called them “sporks” because of their heads and the name unfortunately stuck before anyone could come up with something more dignified.

“You’re late, 8itch. ” Growled a familiar troll. The obvious dissatisfaction in her voice made Rose smile as she sat down in front of Vriska Serket.

Though she had matured in her death, Vriska had a lot of trouble readjusting to being among the living again. She had done many things, both in life and death she had to apologize for, and not everybody was willing to hear it. It took a lot of patching up but eventually she managed to re-establish a moiraillegance with Kanaya and after three successful dates she even wanted to try another relationship with John, the alpha version.

And of course, there was the relation she and Rose had descended into, after the tension between both light players proved too much to remain platonic.

“What part of 3 ó clock was soooooooo difficult to understand? ” Vriska sighed, shooting irritated looks to the blonde.

Rose faked a sweet smile.”  I am merely trying to be a good kismesis, my beloathed. ” Vriska rolled her eyes; Rose had been the first of the humans to dabble in the black quadrant and took to it better than some trolls did. She didn’t have to try to be a good kismesis, she was competitive and antagonistic by nature.

“I hope you don’t mind that I already ordered for us. ” Vriska said, trying to mimic the sweet tone of her fellow light player. Her smile however, was sharp and showed of her fangs.” I knoooooooow how much you like wine, so I asked for the entire bottle. ”

Now it was Rose’s turn to give Vriska a dirty look. An underhanded reminder of the days she got so drunk she’d forget the name of the one she loved. Had anyone else ordered the wine she would have taken it as a simple mistake. To Vriska however, it was her making the next move in a game of passive-aggressive one-upmanship.  
A spork that seemed awfully intimidated by the two goddesses at table five, quickly placed two glasses and the bottle in front of them before taking his leave.

“I assume you had a reason for calling me here beside idle mockery. ” Rose said, calmly ignoring Vriska who put the bottle to her mouth. She took a few large swigs and slammed it down on the table, startling the other sporks on the terrace.

Vriska glared at Rose in a brief moment of silence, as a spork family decided it would be best to leave their deities in peace.” It’s Kanaya. ”

“…..Oh. ” Rose mumbled uncomfortably. Though the 3-year meteor ride had been difficult, after Rose managed to detoxify herself and promised to swear of alcohol, their relationship had been very pleasant. She didn’t understand what could be wrong now.

“Geeeeeeeesh, stop thinking everything revolves around you. ” Vriska said on a mock annoyed tone, after drinking in the worried expression of her kismesis.” This is purely a8out Kanaya. ”

“Well, out with it then. ” Rose said, a little annoyed.”I am not in the mood to indulge your theatrics. ”

“Fine, fine…….  “ Vriska moved further over the table and lowered her voice.” Has she 8een….. rougher with you then usual l8ly? ”

“Are you sure this is your first bottle of wine? ”

“Not falling for your shit Lalonde. Remove your scarf. ”

“I don’t see how that--- “

“Just do it. ”

Rose sighed and took her black and lavender striped scarf off, revealing a neck covered in bite marks. ” Happy? ” she asked, almost challenging Vriska to comment on it.

“Oh very. ” Vriska grinned maliciously.” It pleases me to see those marks…. Means I have some catching up to do to even the score with her. ”

“Was this to start a race with my matesprit to see which of you turns me into a pincushion first? ” Rose sighed annoyed.”  Your point if you please. ”

“Well, 8ecause you humans oooooooo8viously fail to read signs. ” Vriska spread her arms theatrically, took a long pause and smirked smugly. Seldom did Rose feel the urge to slap someone for being so annoying.

“Kanaya needs a kismesis. ”

“Was that it? ”

“It’s important. ”

“It’s anticlimactic. ”

Vriska put the bottle of wine to her mouth again and put her feet on the table.” Kanaya is starting to show signs of pent up aggression. ” Vriska started.” She has no undead to maim, no rivals to fight and no game to 8eat. She may 8e calmer and more proper then most, 8ut she can’t deny her 8iological urges. ”

“So what?” Rose asked defiantly.”She’s trying to mix the red and black quadrant with me? ”

“No! No! Fuck no! ” Vriska sputtered.” Don’t you know how ta8oo that shit is!? ”

“I do. I just like seeing you squirm. ”

“The point is; we need to find her a kismesis. As soon as possi8le.”

Rose put her scarf back on and wanted to get up. It would be proper blackrom etiquette to leave her hanging here. Never let it be said that Rose Lalonde isn’t a good kismesis.”Well that’s a moirail’s job is it not? ”

“I found one..... ” Vriska said hesitantly. Her uneasy expression was enough to convince Rose to stay, if only because she got an almost perverted pleasure from seeing Vriska squirm.” And that’s why I need your help. ”

“……..Do tell. ”

“……..John. ”

“I think you had enough wine for today. ”

“Hear me out Lalonde! ” Vriska protested.” If we pull this off it will 8e the 8est possible scenario. ”

Rose rolled her eyes. John loved Vriska, and was in “ _A CREEPY AS FUCK FOURWAY MOIRALLEGANCE_ ” with Rose, Dave and Jade. Though he understood the basics behind kismesitude and tolerated his friends messing around with it, Rose sincerely doubted he (“ _Or Jade for that matter._ ”) would ever enter the black quadrant.

“You want to ship the two nicest people I know in a way that will result in them hating each other. ” Rose summarized on a laconic tone.”Please explain to me why I would want to assist you in this matter. ”

Before Rose knew what was going on Vriska put a paper on table, which must have been the worst drawing she had ever seen, not produced by a Strider.

After a short silence in which Rose observed the abomination Vriska spoke.“I drew you as one of your female human 8ark8easts. ” she gloated.

“I noticed…..” Rose sighed, not even bothering to mask her annoyance. Sadly this was as subtle as Vriska Serket got.”Why is there a wing sticking out of my head? ”

“It’s an ear! ”

“I think Vantas and Strider have serious competition when it comes to shitty drawings. Why show me what I already know?  ”

“Ok look. ” Vriska started with a condescending tone, as if she was instructing a child.” In troll culture it is pretty much ideeeeeeeeal to have a matesprit, a kismesis, a moirail and if necessary an auspistice. 8ut it is even 8etter if these are all interwoven with each other. Hate your matesprit’s moirail, pacify the kismesis of your matesprit that whole deal. It creates intimacy and makes sure eveeeeeeeeeryone 8enefits if everyone stays together. ”

“So a cultural phenomenon that promotes working together and making sure one’s clique is secure. ”Rose summarized.”Is this not incredibly difficult in such a cull-happy society? What if one of the involved parties dies?  ”

“Then they have 3 hiiiiiiiighly motivated trolls out for 8lood. ” Vriska answered.” Seriously, you do NOT want to mess up someone’s triple-quadrant-reach-around. ”

“Alright…. I suppose. ”

“And we are in a unique situation Lalonde. ” Vriska said, looking genuinely enthusiastic. “We almost created a triple-quadrant-reach-around by simply doing what came natural. It HAS to be f8!”

“Even if this is a good idea by your standards, it simply shall not work.” Rose stated, hoping to burst the bubble of her kismesis.”John has no interest in finding a kismesis. ”

Vriska leaned forward over the table and smirked.” Use your seer powers Lalonde, and tell me; is it impossi8le for those two to fall in sweet, sweet hatred? ”

Rose closed her eyes for a moment. Seeing all possible outcomes was Terezi’s thing, but she could certainly determine whether or not this particular path fell within the realm of possibility. And the light did show her a path, a fortunate future where John and Kanaya were in hate. Much as she hated to admit it.

“……It is possible.  ”

“Then it’s settled. ” Vriska smirked and raised her hands in victory.” If there is even the smallest chance, we can do it. We use our awesome luck powers and hook up our moirails and matesprits!!!!!!!!! ”

“I never said I was on board with this plan. ” Rose said, incredibly confused by the fact that this was even a possibility.”In fact, I believe it will be detrimental to our relations.  ”

“Pleeeeeeeease, your luck vision showed it as a fortunate future. ” Vriska said, dismissing the protests of her fellow goddess.

“For now.  ” Rose interjected. “That future might change at the slightest provocation. And if we get caught in this scheme I believe we will upset our partners.  ”

“We have aaaaaaaall the luck on our side Lalonde. ” Vriska bared her fangs in a malevolent smile.” If we set aside our sexy, sexy hatred for the good of our friends for a while, we can make this work…… for their sake. ”

Rose bit her lower lip and considered the option. It was true Kanaya was getting a bit more aggressive lately, and a kismesis could be very good for her…. But none of the other trolls seem to have any animosity towards her. This could be a good outlet.  
And John…… John might actually benefit from getting a more thorough understanding of the black quadrant, but would probably be turned off by the more violent aspects of it. Who better then Kanaya to mock him and ease him into it?

If they could be convinced to hate each other, it might actually be for the best for both of them and though Rose couldn’t get past how ridiculous the pairing was, if it was within the realm of possibility, their combined powers could probably make it so.

“Alright…..” Rose said hesitantly. Vriska immediately lit up.” We will try. ”

“YES!!!!!!!! ” Vriska said enthousiastically.” I KNEW you’d see things my way Lalonde. Even a crazy goth 8itch has 8right moments. ”

“Not so fast. ” Rose interrupted. Vriska looked surprised and almost scared, as if her party was going to get cancelled.” I agree on the condition that we cease operations when this gets too troublesome--”

“Done. ” Vriska said quickly.” We don’t want to endanger our relations. ”

“\--and that we swear secrecy no matter what…..  “ Rose added. “John and Kanaya must never know that we conspire against them.  ”

Vriska smirked almost gleefully.” Done and done. ” She grabbed a pencil and smirked.

* * *

Feelings jams are a funny thing.

Every troll has his or her own preferences, dislikes and even kinks in how they want their jam sessions to play out. The entire waltz around pale etiquette, the correct way to touch each other and even the correct way to construct a pile were different for every troll.

For humans however, things were a lot less complicated. Every few days they’d gather to hang out, share stories and goof off together. Dave had taught everyone how to poker, Jade tried to offer explanations for what happened at the endgame and showed off her latest inventions, John hosted movie nights and Rose usually shared whatever she found out about the sporks that lived on their planet.

“I’ll have you know, ” Dave bragged “I only talk to those little things in rhyme. Soon they shall worship me as the deity of rhyme and rhythm. ”

“Lovely. ” Rose stated dryly. She enjoyed occasionally hanging out with everyone, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t ridicule Dave for his actions.  
She briefly glanced at John, who was laughing at Dave who was recounting his last encounter with a spork. It seemed like such an impossible task to create animosity between him and Kanaya.

Jade quickly dealt the cards.”Perhaps you should rap a bit more to Terezi, Dave. Maybe then she’ll leave me alone. ” she grumbled. Rose raised an eyebrow in surprise. It was unlike Jade to be so annoyed by something.

“Aah fuck. ” Dave groaned.” Again? ”

“Why? What did Terezi do? ” John asked, visibly confused before picking up his cards.

“Nothing, she did nothing. ” Dave quickly said before glancing at his cards and calling.

“She hung my Squiddles! ” Jade cried, raising with 2 red chips.

“Apparently they broke an obscure Alternian law about the maximum amount of limbs an individual is allowed to have. ” Dave added as stoically as possible, calling again and throwing 2 more chips down.

“Uhm…..” John said hesitantly, folding his hand.” Is there something going on between Terezi and Jade? ” Rose looked at Jade’s frustrated expression and Dave’s failed attempts to appear indifferent. Their situation seemed awfully familiar considering Dave, Jade, Terezi and Karkat were very intertwined with most of their quadrants as well. In fact, the only ship in their particular group was…..  
Rose looked at her hand and decided to call.

“She keeps trying to provoke me! ” Jade continued.” Did you see what she drew on my wall? ”

“Yup. ”

“I just don’t get it. ” Jade whimpered.” Does she hate me? ”

“Well…..It’s not really like that. ” Dave said uncomfortably, laying his cards face-down on table.” There’s a bit of……. Troll culture involved here. Just ignore it. ”

“Wait….” John mumbled, catching on to the conversation.” You don’t mean Terezi is trying to be Jade’s kismesister? ”

“It’s just kismesis John, get with the program. ”

“Don’t dodge his question! ”

Dave sat back and sighed.” There’s some sort of old troll bullshit about sharing three of your quadrants with four trolls who also share their quadrants with each other. Some kind of serendipity apparently. ” He shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. Rose saw right trough it; it was weirding him out.” And you, me, her and Karkat, we’re are pretty close to that. So she thinks she is destined to be your kismesis or something. ”

“But that’s stupid! ” Jade cried.” Who even believes in stuff like that?! ”

“No offense Jade,  ” Rose said as calm and motherly as she could muster “but I think she is getting to you.  ”

Jade looked surprised for a moment before she started giggling.” You’re right. ” she sighed.” If I get mad with her now she’ll just think I hate her back. I’ll just talk to her and let her know that I’m not interested. ”

Dave just shrugged.” Be my guest, I ain’t touching this issue. ”

“You’re my human moirail, you’re supposed to touch this issue! ”

“I’m also her ‘matesprit’” Dave said, making fingerquotes (“ _no doubt ironically._ ”).” She really wants to hate you and for you to hate her. ”

“Just be super nice and she won’t hate you. ” John said with a broad smile.”That shouldn’t be too hard. ”

“It’s not just hate. ” Dave said, showing his hand; a pair of 7’s.” That’d be too platonic, like; I just really don’t like that guy in a non-sexy way. There needs to be rivalry, competition, tension and attraction. Shit, just look at Lalonde and Serket. Textbook case of sexual tension, bitter rivalry and feelings of inadequacy, ”

“I think you will serve as a fine example brother. ” Rose said, looking at Jade and waiting for her to show her cards.” Both of you are unable to be true to the emotions beyond the veil of irony and misplaced anger, and you are both a lot less competent as you would like to believe. You recognize this in each other and it pisses you off. Am I right? ”

“Fine, fine. ” Dave said, raising his hands in a defeated gesture.” Karkat is ok. Sometimes we just want to strangle each other. And whenever we even get the slightest bit competitive, he gets on my nerves like you wouldn’t believe. We’re bro’s, but we really can’t stand each other, if that makes any sense. ”

Jade groaned, shook her head and showed her cards. A queen high card. Rose smirked.

“It just shows that all these years I was correct about your desire to make sweet love with other men. ” She said smugly before showing her cards; 4 of a kind.


	2. Turn the status quo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the ball slowly starts rolling

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, this crack ship is still happening. It didn't stop being a thing.

It was late at night when their ‘human feelingsjam’ ended.

The sporks, being diurnal creates had retreated into their homes. Strange constructs that reminded Rose most of a child’s drawing of a house, rather than the real thing. She created two spheres of light to illuminate the cobblestone path towards the home she shared with Kanaya. The sporks had been awfully eager to please their deities and built ‘shrines’ for them to live in. It gave them total control in how their new homes would look though most of them looked an awful lot like the buildings they grew up in. Some people just wanted to add a jacuzzi (“ _That would be the Striders._ ”) and some people asked for the most extravagant mansion imaginable (“ _That would be Serket……_ ”).  
Rose reached the end of the path as the spheres of light faded away. Neither she nor Kanaya asked for much; a modest cottage in the forest, away from prying eyes but on walking distance of everything else. Though hardly an eternal shrine to deities of light and space, it had everything they asked for, most importantly their privacy, allowing them to do whatever they wanted without being disturbed.

Rose would sink trough the ground if someone, spork, human, troll or otherwise caught her during one of her sillier moments. Kanaya ensured her it was charming.

Rose was greeted by a cup of tea, the faint smell of cinnamon and the smile of her ‘matesprite’. Kanaya was usually waiting for Rose whenever the latter would rendezvous with her kismesis. It was something Rose had come to rely on. Meeting Vriska just made her appreciate Kanaya more.

Even if she became too agitated by Vriska’s schemes to appreciate the kind words of her girlfriend, at least the tea was good.

Rose couldn’t help but glare at her matesprite. Even with her abilities as a fully realized seer of light, she could not see the path that would led to her hating John. She only knew it was a possibility. Kanaya tilted her head a little, making Rose realize she was staring.

“Vriska again dear?” Kanaya asked in a sweet (“ _if slightly mocking…_ ” ) voice. The seer gave a tired sigh and sat down next to the sylph, carefully picking up the warm beverage.

“You know how it goes…..” Rose mumbled, a little embarrassed as she lowered her scarf and revealed the new bite marks.”She takes any excuse to get competitive.”

“Oh my….. did she—“

“The exact amount you did, yes. ”

Kanaya chucked and kissed the fresh marks.”I am glad you two get along so well. ”

“She’s actually a little worried. ” Rose sighed, trying to steer the conversation. She wanted to try and take note of her girlfriend’s thoughts on the black quadrant before creating a proper strategy.

“About what exactly? ” Kanaya asked, taking the bait with sincere interest.” If it is about your kismesitude, I assured her on multiple occasions she need not worry about having a pitch relation with a human. ” She paused and met Rose’s eyes.” You two are perfect together. ”

“That’s actually good to know….” Rose chuckled, taking mental note on Vriska being concerned about having a human as kismesis.” But she is worried about you more than anything. ”

Kanaya’s face turned sour.” Is this going to come back on my lack of a kismesis again? ” she asked, suddenly sounding very exhausted.

(“ _Of course Vriska already asked. They’re moirails, they’re supposed to!_ ”)Rose smiled, leant against the jadeblood and remained silent, calmly counting the breaths she took.” I have long come to terms with the fact that none of the trolls are dislikeable enough for me or dislike me enough to form a healthy black relationship. ”

“What about that…… clown. What’s his name again? ”

“Gamzee…..And That Is Limited To Platonic Murderhate, I assure You. ” She said in a low voice, carefully annunciating every word. Rose realized it was still a sore subject for her and decided not to ask further questions about the clown.

“What about a spork then? Or a human? ” Rose asked, trying to keep the subject alive.

Kanaya gave a embarrassing (“ _endearing_ ”) high-pitched laugh.” Perish the thought dear. ” She said amused.” One of those strange little creatures as my kismesis? Can you imagine it? ”

Rose rolled her eyes.”And what about the sporks? ” Kanaya jabbed her elbow in Rose’s side and smiled.

“As for the humans…..” She continued, “I could never bring myself to hate you, and Dave already filled his black quadrant, assuming I could bring myself to hate him…. So I do not dislike any of you. I think. I never get in contact with the alphas beyond friendly greetings. To be frank, I do not feel inclined to know them beyond the common courtesies. Their quadrant life is…..putting me off….”

Rose nodded. The fourway moraillegance she shared with the other beta kids was considered weird enough by the trolls standards, but the alphas took it a step further and ended in a almost literal clusterfuck. Rose and the other beta’s liked them enough to hang out on occasion, but agreed that their living situation was a little bizarre.

The seer smiled as Kanaya finished talking about the other humans; she had found the opening she was looking for.

“You omitted to state your opinion on Jade and John. ” She mused, trying to sound distracted while playing with the sylph’s hair.

Again, Kanaya laughed while leaning into the touch of her matesprit.” If you recall, I helped her with her frogbreeding duties. ” She mumbled.” She strikes me as rather adorable and quite possibly a very talented moirail. ”

“Oh you have no idea. ” Rose smiled, wrapping her arms around the rainbowdrinker. Kanaya couldn’t see the carefully thinking expression she had now she reached the critical point of this line of questioning.

”And John? ”

“Assuming he’s looking for a kismesis? ” Kanaya asked a little surprised by the suggestion.”I distinctly remember him having the most trouble in understanding the quadrants. ” There appeared a playful glint in her jade eyes and she started focusing her attention on the bite mark ridden neck of her matesprit, kissing and licking her marks tenderly.

“In this hypothetical situation, yes. ” Rose said, trying to carefully maintain her façade of innocent curiosity. The attention Kanaya was giving her neck was most distracting. She grabbed one of her horns and carefully guided her to the nape of her neck.

However to her dismay, Kanaya answer was a little disappointing.”I admit, I haven’t contacted him as much as you or Jade, but he doesn’t strike me as a bad individual.” Kanaya’s teeth scraped over the skin of Rose’s neck. She smiled smugly feeling the seer shiver as she continued in a hushed tone.” His only crime is souring my first impression of a being as perfect as yourself. ”

Rose’s eyes widened. She gasped as she felt her skin being punctured and emitted a soft moan when Kanaya began drinking from her. It made her feel weak. It made her feel wanted. She mentally cursed having such a sensitive neck, while her body was urging Kanaya to take as much as she wanted.

(“ _Another mark gained….._ ”)

* * *

 

Vriska’s new hive was right in the center of the spork settlement; a giant fuck-off castle, big and spooky enough to satisfy any fan of horror movies, classic or ironically bad. Instead of doing like most people and removing the spiders and the webs they create in the unused parts of her castle, she often traveled to these parts to watch their progress.

(“ _If only these little ones would grow half as 8ig as spidermom…._ ”)

Normally John would ask her to come over to his place, largely because of a human dislike for big empty rooms, and Vriska would happily comply. The much smaller human hive had something warm and safe.

Today however, she had invited John over to her place.

The thief scared two lost sporks out of her courtyard before meeting her human matesprit, who was all smiles and blue eyes as usual. His usual good mood always managed to somehow lighten her day (“ _Especially after meeting that 8itch of a Lalonde and having to ask for her help!_ ”).

“What got you in such a good mood today Pupa? ” Vriska asked on, what she assumed was, a sultry tone.

John answered her with a bucktoothed grin, which just served as a reminder to Vriska why she wanted him as her matesprit. That beta John was cute, but he was no alpha.” Since we’re going to be spending the night in your big spooky castle, I thought we could watch ghostbusters tonight! ” He said, enthousiastically showing of the dvd.

Vriska rolled her eyes (“ _all eight of them._ ”) before opening the massive doors of her castle.” Of coooooooourse we’re going to watch one of your silly human movies, dum8ass. ” she said while walking to the halls, John was almost skipping next to her. She found the human movies strangely endearing.  
Every time John would visit, he would comment how much it reminded him he called a ‘Haunted manion’, with all the spiderwebs, standing armors and strange paintings.  
Vriska had taken a close look at the paintings after that, and had to agree that the sporks enjoyed some strange paintings.

In one of the towers Vriska created a respiteblock (“ _With the help of her meddling moirail._ ”), equipped with all the things she figured she needed; a mini fridge, a couch, recuperacoon, even a human bed if she felt like getting freaky.

John jumped on the couch and looked like a baby barkbeast waiting for her to join him. She thought it was endearing and sat down next to him.” So, what have you been doing today? ” John asked, opening the DVD-case.

“I had a date with Lalonde. ” Vriska said nonchalant. (“ _As if he’d forget._ ”)

“Ah….” John said, clearly not sure how to react on it. ” So did you have fun? Wait is that right? ” he hesitated briefly.” Did she make you miserable? ”

Vriska just kissed him so he could stop embarrassing himself. John didn’t complain, and sat closer against her. “It was fun. ” She said. “Though she said quite a few hurtful things. ” she tried to look miserable. She failed spectacularly.

“Do you want me to tell her to back off? ”

“As if! ”

John shrugged and sank down to the ground to open the DVD-player. Vriska tried to sneak a peek at his ass, but he didn’t sit in a way to accommodate her. “Perhaaaaaaaaps you should find a kismesis yourself. Then you’d understaaaaaaaand why it’s so awesome! ”

John just chuckled and looked for the remote.”Don’t I have to hate someone for that? ”

“Don’t you? ” Vriska said, flipping her hair. “Not even someone you mildly dislike? ”

“Well not really…..” John said slightly embarrassed, fiddling with the remote.” Do you have batteries somewhere? ”

“Somewhere on my desk. ” Vriska sighed. “And isn’t there a human you dislike a little? I can understaaaaaaaand if you dislike that Dirk fellow, acting like he’s the shit all the time."

“Yeah, but he builds robots, so he’s cool. ” John said cheerfully.”That and my nanna apparently loves him, so that would be super awkward. ” His cheerfulness reminded her of how carefree and happy he was during the game. She wouldn’t admit it, but she’d do anything to make sure he would stay this happy.

Which was part of the reason she wanted him to understand how wonderful it was to have a kismesis.“What a8out the other trolls then? ” She continued, laying down on the couch, watching him mess around with the remote. She had all the luck, she should be able to find something to work with.

John hesitated for a moment and remained quiet until Vriska heard a loud ‘click’.”Well I don’t hate Karkat or you obviously. Terezi kinda killed me once, but I’m pretty sure she was sorry about that….. Honestly, I don’t know the other trolls that well. They all seem pretty funny actually. ” He victoriously waved the now fixed remote before dropping down next to Vriska and starting the movie.

“What a8out Kanaya then? ” Vriska asked, trying to seductively wrap herself around the heir. “You’ve talked to her 8efore, right? ”

“Oh man…. Kanaya? ” John asked, a little distracted by the wandering hands of the ceruleanblood.”I don’t know we don’t talk much…..  “

“What did you think of her? ”

“Well……She seems a little snooty, and is waaaaaaaay too wordy, just like Rose actually….. But I don’t think that’s bad or anything. ”

A smirk slowly crawled over the thief’s face.“So you don’t like her? ”

“Well I don’t hate her. ” John shrugged while the theme music began. Vriska smiled and nuzzled against her matesprit.

It was something, and that was enough. Her luck and Lalonde’s visions would make it so.

( _“ Come onto my we8, said the spider to the fly….”_)

* * *

 

It was one of those days.

One of the rare days Karkat had to himself.

No Dave to barge into the room spouting another nonsense rap to annoy him, no Terezi to bother him for another feelingsjam (“ _SERIOUSLY, THAT WOMAN IS A PALE FREAK._ ”), and no Jade to sneak in, fondle his horns and tell him how much she cares.

Just him, a bowl of grubcorn, his movie collection and---

DING-DONG

(“ _JUST IGNORE IT, IT’LL GO AWAY._ ”)

DING-DING-DING-DONG

(“ _ONE OF THOSE FUCKING SPORKS DIDN’T GET THE MEMO ABOUT THE KNIGHT OF FUCKING BLOOD LIVING HERE._ ”)

DING-A-LING-A-DING-DONG

(“ _MOTHERFUCKER!_ ”)

Karkat got up, his good mood fading with every step he took towards the door. He was a god here, a literal god. He was not going to take this blasphemy from a primitive spork, a primitive, insignificant spork. He had to vent his aggression and set an example for all those assholes.  
He’d tie the fucker to a goat, lit his socks on fire and send him to town.  
He’d cuff the fucker up, put a fez on his head and make him dance on burning coals.  
He’d pour hot molten caramel over the fucker and roll him into an anthill.

In an angry swing he opened the door, expecting to find a being that hardly reached his chest.

“My eyes are up here…..” a familiar but worn out voice sounded.

Karkat’s eyes slowly went from the modestly shaped breasts of his matesprit to her face before he backed off in shock.

“JADE, WHAT THE FUCK IS WR--- “

Her face was covered in multi-colored smears. Her left ear was dyed purple, one of her cheeks was lime green, she had a red line running over her nose, most of her forehead was hidden behind a blue smear.

Scariest of all, she looked like she was ready to snap the neck of the first person to comment on it.

“I tried talking to Terezi. ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Curious to see how this ends?
> 
> So am I :P
> 
> Got a few fun ideas but nothing solid yet. Then again, that's how I started this.


	3. The dud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Light's first attempt to hook up John and Kanaya

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]\--

CG: JUST WHAT THE TABLEFLIPPING FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?  
GC: OH H1 K4RKL3S  
CG: NO.   
CG: SHOOSH.   
CG: THIS IS A PALE INTERVENTION.   
GC: OH NOOOOOOOO  
CG: YES. HOP ON THE PROVERBIAL PILE AND FASTEN YOUR SEATBELTS CAUSE IT’S PROBABLY GOING TO BE A STUPID RIDE.   
CG: JUST WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE SCHEMING?   
GC: 1 DON’T KNOW WH4T YOU 4R3 T4LK1NG 4BOUT  
CG: JADE JUST CAME OVER.   
GC: OH…..  
CG: SOMETHING TELLS ME SHE DID NOT IN FACT MEET A COLORBLIND POSSE OF SHITTY SUBJUGGULATING WANNABE’S, THOUGH ONE COULD BE FORGIVEN FOR THINKING THAT CONSIDERING THE STATE OF HER FACE.   
CG: WITNESS TESTIMONY AND PRESENTED EVIDENCE SUGGEST THAT YOU ARE THE CULPRIT!   
GC: G4SP!   
GC: 1 OBJ3CT, TH3 WITNESS IS OBVIOUSLY BIASED  
CG: OVERRULED.   
GC: BUT SH3 C4M3 ONTO M3!   
CG: WHAT?   
GC: SH3 W4S TRY1NG TO BOSS M3 4ROUND, T3LL1NG M3 TO ‘CUT TH3 CR4P’  
CG: I THINK SHE MENTIONED SOME OF THAT STUFF…..  
CG: DID YOU SERIOUSLY HOLD A TRIAL FOR HER STUPID MULTILIMBED PLUSHIES ON ACCOUNT OF THEM HAVING TO MANY LIMBS?   
GC: 1 WOULD H4V3 CUT TH3M OFF 1F SH3 D1DN’T W4LK 1N.   
CG: OK, JUST WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO HERE?   
GC: G3TT1NG H3R TO H4T3 M3 OF COURS3!   
CG: OK, I AM NOT HEARING THIS.   
GC: WH4T?   
CG: YOU CAN’T BE SERIOUS.   
CG: ARE YOU SWEARING, UPON THE BULGEHUMPING ALTERNIAN COURT, THAT YOU ARE BLACK FOR JADE FUCKING HARLEY?   
GC: 1 M1GHT B3  
CG: YOU MIGHT BE…..  
GC: K4RK4T, 1T 1S D3ST1NY >:o  
CG: HOW THE FUCK IS IT DESTINY?   
GC: OP3N YOUR 3Y3S! W3 4LMOST COMPL3T3D 4 TR1PPL3 QU4DR4NT R34CH-4ROUND

CG: WHY DO YOU AND STRIDER INSIST ON SUBJECTING ME TO THESE COMPLETELY RETARDED SCRIBBLES YOU CALL DRAWINGS?   
GC: DO YOU KNOW HOW R4R3 TH1S 1S?   
GC: DON’T YOU UND3RST4ND HOW WOND3RFUL 1T’LL B3 TO B3 COMPL3T3LY SURROUND3D BY OUR QU4DR4NTM4T3S?   
GC: 1 4M D3ST1N3D TO POP H3R BL4CK CH3RRY  
CG: ARGH, WHAT AM I READING!   
GC: 1T’LL T4ST3 D3L1C1IOUS >:]  
CG: PLEASE ALLOW ME TO IGNORE THAT. I AM CURRENTLY BLEACHING MY MIND.   
CG: AND AGAIN WITH ACTING OUT THE SUPERFLUOUS ‘DESTINY’ SHTICK. I HOPED YOU HAD GOTTEN OVER THAT BY NOW. THIS IS JUST LIKE THE BABBLING ABOUT YOUR STUPID ANCESTORS ON OUR HOMEWORLD.   
GC: WH1CH TURN3D OUT TO B3 TRU3!   
CG: OK, BAD EXAMPLE.   
CG: THE POINT IS, THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL YOU HATE JADE.   
GC: JUST B3C4US3 YOU’R3 H3R M4T3SPR1T3 4ND C4N’T S33 1T, DO3SN’T M34N SH3 DO3SN’T H4V3 4NY FL4WS.   
GC: SH3 1S NOT P3RF3CT, 4ND 1 1NS1ST ON R3M1ND1NG H3R OF TH4T >:]  
CG: ALRIGHT LOOK.   
CG: I AM NOT GOING TO STOP YOU CHASING AFTER HER. YOU CLEARLY EITHER NEED TO MAKE THAT GIRL UNDERSTAND THE BLACK QUADRANT OR DEAL WITH THE HUMMILIATING REJECTION YOU DESERVE.   
GC: W4UW, TH4NKS.   
CG: HOW *FUCKING* EVER  
GC: 4LW4YS TH3 HOW3V3RS  
CG: I WILL SAY THAT, AS YOUR MOIRAIL, I THINK YOU ARE GOING AFTER HER THE WRONG WAY ENTIRELY.   
CG: THE GIRL ISN’T A STRIDER.   
GC: NO, TH4T WOULD M34N SH3 W4S FUN  
CG: WHAT I AM GETTING AT, YOU DIPSHIT, IS THAT WHILE CONSTANT CHALLENGING AND TAUNTING STRIDER WAS A SURE-FIRE WAY TO GET INTO HIS BLACK QUADRANT, JADE DOESN’T WORK LIKE THAT.   
CG: IN FACT, IF YOU KEEP TORMENTING HER LIKE A FUCKING IMBECILE SHE’LL PROBABLY JUST AVOID YOU ENTIRELY.   
CG: AND NEED I REMIND YOU, AS WITCH OF FUCKING SPACE, SHE’LL MAKE IT DAMN HARD FOR YOU TO FIND HER.   
GC: BL4H, PO1NT T4K3N  
GC: WH4T DO YOU SUGG3ST?   
CG: TAKE. IT. SLOW.   
CG: QUIT ANTAGONIZING HER FOR A BIT, THEN START AGAIN.   
GC: G1V1NG H3R 4 F4LS3 S3NS3 OF S3CUR1TY?   
CG: GIVING HER TIME TO ACLIMATE TO THE BLACK QUADRANT.   
GC: 4R3 YOU SUR3 TH4T 1S N3C3SS4RY?   
CG: YES.   
CG: IT IS MY SAGE ADVICE AS YOUR MOIRAIL.   
CG: TAKE IT FROM ME, I KNOW HER BY NOW.   
GC: WH4T WOULD 1 DO W1THOUT YOU.   
CG: SINK THE SHIP BEFORE IT GOT OUT OF THE HARBOR.   
GC: 1 LOV3 YOU TOO K4RK4T  
GC: 1’LL TRY YOUR STUP1D 4DV1C3 FOR WR1GGL3RS, BUT ONLY B3C4USE YOU G1V3 TH3 B3ST HORNRUBS  
GC: <>  
CG: <>

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]--

* * *

 

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]\--

AG: Any progress????????   
TT: I am ashamed to admit she wouldn’t budge an inch.   
TT: She is convinced she has no options in the black quadrant and doesn’t express any interest in searching for any.   
AG: Siiiiiiiigh.   
AG: I should have never let a human do a troll’s jo8.   
TT: Oh?   
TT: Should I assume you did much better?   
AG: Yeeeeeeees!   
AG: As a matter of fact I got John to admit he disliked Kanaya!   
TT: Did he now?   
TT: What were his exact words?   
AG: That she’s kinda snooty and waaaaaaaay to wordy.   
TT: That is hardly an expression of dislike. In fact, it is blatantly stating the truth.   
TT: Even I can admit Kanaya is a little snooty sometimes.   
AG: Well it’s something!   
TT: So, now we know the playing field….. Neither party seems interested in the other, but their hateful relationship is still in the realm of possibility.   
TT: What is our strategy?   
AG: Go in guns 8lazing of course!   
TT: Vriska…….  
AG: We set them up on a 8lind 8lack date and let them figure it out from there!   
AG: They’ll start making small ja8s at each other, 8efore they 8ring out the 8ig guns in true 8lackrom fashion!   
AG: It will 8e glorious ;;;;)   
TT: Of course, I agreed to do this with you of all people.   
TT: I should have known from the conception of this plan it was all going to fall on my shoulders.   
AG: Screw you, my plan is awesome!!!!!!!!!   
TT: Yes, had it any chance of succeeding.   
AG: …….. So what do you suggest?   
TT: We need to get them A) at a position where one or both parties feel vulnerable and B) a situation where the two create conflict.   
AG: You know…… I think this is possi8le.   
TT: Please share it with the rest of the class.   
AG: When does John turn into the 8iggest 8rat you know?   
TT: Oh….  
AG: Would you miiiiiiiind me and John coming over for a visit tonight?   
AG: I am sure Kanaya has a movie she would loooooooove to show him.   
TT: This will either end really well or really terrible. Personally, I am expecting the latter.   
AG: Are we doing this or what?   
TT: I am willing to follow your plan for now.   
TT: It should be good for a laugh while I formulate a proper strategy.   
AG: Oh fuck you!   
TT: Oh I will.   
TT: If this turns out to be successful I’ll even let you take control.   
AG: Fuck you, I am always in control!!!!!!!!   
TT: <3<

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]\--

AG: grrrrrrrr  
AG: <3<

* * *

 

“No I do not mind…. It’s just really short notice.”

Kanaya and Rose were preparing for their moirails to arrive. Rose did her best to find scavenge any form of snacks they had laying around while Kanaya rearranged the living room to let 4 people watch their incredibly underused television.(“ _Spork Television Is Horrendous_ ”)

John and Vriska arrived two hours later. John insisted on wearing his godtier outfit whenever he went outside (“ _Much to Kanaya’s chagrin._ ”) because the sporks seemed to enjoy seeing their deity. Vriska on the other hand went out of her way to wear the most extravagant clothes she could find. A beautiful cerulean frock coat Kanaya had made for her and a incredibly fancy blue tricorn with a silver rim.

“You áre aware we are merely watching a movie correct?” Rose sighed.

Vriska smirked, baring her fangs at the shorter human.”Afraid that I outclass you Lalonde?”

Kanaya moved in to hug her moirail.” You are slightly overdressed dear.” Vriska mumbled something barely audible in an embarrassed tone (“ _just cause you made it._ ”) Rose gave a knowing smirk at her kismesis before turning to hug John.

“Glad you could make it John.” She stated curt and polite.

“Thanks for the invite.” He said with a bright grin and a twinkle in his eyes (“ _never underestimate John Egbert’s enthusiasm when it comes to a movie night._ ”).”Have you decided what movie we’re gonna watch yet?”

Kanaya guided her guests to the living room and politely offered her visitors the couch.” I believe I have chosen a suitable movie for tonight.” She spoke with kind voice.  
Vriska and Rose refused the couch and took the chair and beanbag next to it. Kanaya and John sat down, blissfully unaware of the conspiracy about to unfold.

“So what did you pick?” The overenthusiastic human asked.

“Karkat actually showed me this human movie a long time ago.” She said while holding a twilight dvd-case. John’s mouth fell open in shock.” We consider it a classic.”

“Er…… Do we have to?” John asked, trying to sound polite.(“ _Phase one is a success._ ”)

“Well, if you had something else in mind….”  
“Actually I—“  
“Nop.”  
“Twilight is good.”  
“Let’s watch Twilight.”  
“But….. eh…..”

John sighed and sat back, resigned to the fact that he was going to watch the terrible movie. Vriska and Rose had trouble not bursting in laughter seeing his expression.

Now it was a matter of waiting until he flipped.

* * *

 

He didn’t.

He sat there, looking incredibly bored and occasionally snickering at the awkward dialogue between the leads. Kanaya on the other hand, truly considered the movie to be something special and was captivated by the story between human and vampire lovers.(“ _That is not a vampire!_ ”)

Vriska and Rose exchanged frustrated looks because of the lack of interaction between their moirails. If they were not going to argue they would be back at square one.

Rose stood up and pulled on Vriska’s arm.” Excuse us.” She stated matter-of-factly.

Kanaya simply nodded. John’s looked confused.”What’s going on?” his eyes widened a iittle when he picked up on it.” Oooh, is this your kismesithing? Yeah, that’s cool. We’ll just……. Watch the movie.”

Rose rolled her eyes and dragged Vriska to the kitchen, didn’t bother closing the door and violently slammed her kismesis against the wall.

”THE FUCK LALONDE?!” Vriska growled angrily.

“We have to keep up appearances don’t we?” Rose said while her smug smirk slowly turned to a serious expression.” This plan isn’t going to work.”

“Well who came up with this stupid idea in the first place!”

“You did.”

“Then shut your human face 8efore I shove my—“ Rose cut her off with a violent kiss, pulling the messy black hair of the thief and biting her lips.

“That’s for shouting obscenities in the house of my matesprit.” She said before peeking past the door. John and Kanaya were still watching twilight, much to John’s annoyance.” They are about to reach the nadir of the movie….” Rose said, having been subjected to the movie before.” If John does not react, this idea was a failure….. Much like I expected.”

“So what do we do?” The blueblood asked, a little stunned from the kiss

“We wait.”

* * *

 

Bella was wondering around the room of her matesprit.

He romantically grabbed her like a ragdoll, wrapped her arms around his neck and leapt trough the window with his superhuman abilities.

“Hold on tight spidermonkey.” He whispered seductively before jumping further into the mountains.

* * *

 

John’s face twitched.

He desperately tried to hold back, and begun shaking. His lips curled up in the biggest, goofiest smile he could muster. He couldn’t take it; the movie was too dumb.

His laughter rang trough the entire house. Elsewhere, a seer and a thief give each other a quiet fistbump.

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA”

“John, could you please—“

“OH GOD. WHAT IS AIR!? HAHAHAHAHAHA”

“John, please be quiet.”

“SPIDERMONKEY….PFFFFT HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

“John, You Are Embarrassing Yourself.”

“HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA”

* * *

 

Vriska raised her hands to her temples and smirked.” Now for the finishing touch.”

“I thought you agreed not to do that anymore.” Rose gave her kismesis a stern look. She didn’t mind manipulating people as much, but considered there to be a fine line between manipulating and controlling them against their will.

“This is just for two seconds.” Vriska answered quickly.” 8esides….. John can take it.”

“Wait what?”

Rose only heard a dull bash

* * *

 

John was knocked to the ground before he could register what was going on.

Kanaya stood over him with a shocked expression and her right hand clenched into a fist.

There was an uncomfortable silence between them while Edward was droning a monologue to Bella. John absentmindedly rested his hand on his cheek to check for damage.

“Oh….. Oh My Goodness….” She stammered.” John, I Am So Sorry, I-I Didn’t Mean Too.” She moved to the bucktoothed human and helped him get up. He briefly hesitated before giving her his hand.” I Really Do Not Comprehend What Came Over Me. I Am So Sorry John.”

“Well, you punched me?” John said with a dry chuckle in an attempt to defuse the situation with humor. He dropped himself on the couch and looked at the stunned jadeblood.” I guess you really, REALLY like this movie.”

“I-I suppose I do…..” Kanaya mumbled while sitting down again.” I mean, you are definitely not the first person to poke fun at it, so I really do not understand why I lashed out the way I did…..” She looked embarrassed at the heir and bowed her head while apologizing again.

John just shrugged and continued watching the movie, though he was reluctant to continue criticizing it.

* * *

 

“ _OH MY GOG JUST F8CK ALREADY._ ”

* * *

 

The rest of the movie continued without a hitch, much to the annoyance of the seer and the thief. John simply became incredibly tired out of sheer boredom and Kanaya, still embarrassed about her outburst, suggested to call it an early night.

Vriska took it upon herself to walk home with John, trough the strange town of the sporks. She was glad there were none on the street at night, she liked the quiet privacy with her matesprit. However, she wasn’t here for her own pleasure.(“ _selflessly sacrificing an opportunity to please my matesprit in a public location, Vriska Serket, you are a saint._ ”)

“So what happened with you and Kanaya?” she finally asked, walking past the fountain of the town’s square.” We just heard you fall from the kitchen and her apologizing a lot.

“Well……” John mumbled rubbing his cheek again.” She pretty much decked me in the face.”

“Whaaaaaaaat?” Vriska reacted with perfectly feigned surprise.” Fussyfangs?”

“Yeah, I was surprised too.” John said, trying to play it nonchalant.” But I guess she is really passionate about the movie.”

“Soooooooo….. you’re not mad?” Vriska asked, barely able to mask her disappointment.

John sat down next to the fountain.” Nah, not really.” he mumbled.” She didn’t mean to, I mean…. She was even more shocked about it then I was.”

Vriska sat down next to him.” I seeeeeeee.” she said thoughtfully.” 8ut what if…. And this is just hypothetical, 8ut what if, she 8ecame 8lack for you?”

“This again?”

“Hear me out.”Vriska said quickly. John was looking very skeptically at her.” No troll hits someone like that without reason. What if she is 8lack for you?”

John leaned back a little and gazed at the stars, thinking of a proper way to answer the question. “I really don’t know.” he mumbled, a little confused by the idea. “Do you think she’s becoming black for me?”

Vriska smirked concealed by the darkness. (“ _May8e tonight wasn’t a total failure._ ”)

“Oh, she might 8e.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't stop, won't stop
> 
> Also; last twilight joke. I promise


	4. A long night

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’d rather not……”

Kanaya turned on her side, facing away from her matesprit. She was still embarrassed about what happened during the movie night and just wanted to go to sleep. Rose wrapped a arm around the jadeblood.” We humans believe discussing our problems helps solving them.”

“You humans are very funny.” Kanaya mumbled, hiding her head under the blanket. Rose put a hand on the horn slightly protruding from under there.

“Come on, talk to me.” the human said. It made her a bit worried seeing Kanaya like this and she wanted to help. Although was perfectly aware of what happened, talking about it with the troll could help guide her to an fortunate future.

A future where she hates John.

“No human psychology?”

“No human psychology, I promise.” 

Kanaya sat up and looked the seer in her eyes.” Promise you won’t get mad?”

Rose shrugged.” I also promise I will not get mad.”

“I…..” the sylph bit her lip and averted her eyes.” I punched your human moirail in the face.”

Mentally Rose smirked.(“ _Yes you did, and I am only a little sorry Serket made you do that._ ”) The blonde sat up and held the hands of her matesprit before looking her into her earnest jade-colored eyes.” Well….. What happened?” Rose asked, with as neutral a voice as she could muster.

“That Is The Strange Part; I Really Have No Recollection Of My Motivation For Assaulting Him” Kanaya said, obviously distressed. She took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself; she would otherwise begin rambling and she knew it.”I don’t know whether it was me taking his unjust critiques too personally, my instinct as a rainbowdrinker or my…… Or anything else.”

Rose’s eyes narrowed.”You hesitated for a moment dear.”

“It’s nothing, it is…. silly beyond comprehension.” Kanaya answered quickly.

“I won’t think it is.”

“I just cannot win against you can I?” the troll sighed and looked helplessly at her matesprit.”What if you and Vriska are correct and I just have all these pent up black emotions swirling inside of me?” She whimpered a little.”What if I assault another of your human moirails or anyone else based solely on my own lack of control?”

The seer was taken aback; she never anticipated for Kanaya to be THIS distraught by her actions, even if they weren’t of her own design.”In your defense….. John can be very punchable at times.”

“Your attempts at humor do nothing to better my spirits tonight I’m afraid.” Kanaya mumbled. She turned away from Rose again and uttered a barely audible good night.

Rose laid back, looking at the ceiling, quietly gazing trough all possible futures. One wherein everything ends well and she ends up being John’s kismesis, one where the status quo remains as it was, one wherein they are found out and shamed for their actions……. One where she is found out and left by Kanaya.  
The human rolled over, looking at the troll’s back. She knew that with Vriska’s luck those bad future’s would remain at bay, but she couldn’t help feeling guilty about causing her matesprit such distress.

She quietly kissed her shoulder and tried to go to sleep.

In the early morning, she’d discuss their situation with Vriska.

* * *

 

Jade was wide awake.

She snuck out of bed the very moment Karkat had fallen asleep and was pacing around. There was a feeling she couldn’t quite place, but after the confrontation she had with Terezi this afternoon she was……” _Scared? Angry? Annoyed?_ ”.

She never thought such childish actions could bother her like this; after all, she was used to the antics of John and Dave, but the tealblooded troll had made it personal. The troll used Jade’s walls as her own personal canvas for rude and insulting comics.” _Fine, I guess I can see that as a joke._ ”  
The seer had sentenced her plushies and wanted to maim them.” _Weird, but not insulting…. I guess it’s her culture._ ”

However, drawing on her face while she was trying to explain why she had no interest in being her kismesis was the final straw. It was rude and mean and Jade felt like she had to do something about it.

Like prove she was not going to cower in fear of the scary troll.

prove she was not going to let Terezi toy with her.

Remembering a scene in a famous movie back on earth, where a group of people showed they were not to be messed with. If she could emulate some of that, even Terezi would understand how mad she was. The witch waved her hand to beckon a familiar looking object to her.

“I’ll show her!”

* * *

 

Much like Jade, John was wide awake.

He snuck out of bed the moment Vriska fell asleep and was pacing around, considering the situation he was presented with.

The thought of his moirail’s matesprit and his matesprit’s moirail (“ _boy that is confusing_ ”) being black for him was incredibly weird. He was flattered, he supposed, but the idea of loving to hate someone was still so very alien to him. It was against everything he was used too, yet Vriska seemed to talk about it like it was no big deal.

Would he have to reject a second black suitor? He had to admit, she was a pretty lady; she always looked her best and was, in most situations, incredibly kind and polite.

(“ _Most’ being the keyword_ ” John thought, rubbing his cheek.)

The black quadrant was just so confusing to him. He didn’t understand what he was supposed to do with it; he was only a normal human boy.

Fortunately for him however, he was not the only human still online at this hour. Perhaps he could get some advice from a human that DID understand what being a kismesis is all about.

\--ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]\--

EB: dave  
EB: dave  
EB: dave  
TG: three times you called me egderp  
TG: now like the shitty genie from the lamp you get one question  
TG: i probably got something backwards there  
TG: either that or those ancient arabians got it backwards  
TG: anyway hurry up cause my burrito is almost done  
EB: yes yes shitty genie  
EB: wait burrito?   
TG: midnight snack  
EB: blah, whatever  
EB: dave I need your help  
TG: i figured so hit me  
EB: what do you do if a troll hates you?   
TG: context is key padawan  
TG: do you hate him/her back  
EB: gah, that was gonna be my second question  
EB: how do you know if you hate a troll?   
EB: like, ok, so she punched me in the face for no reason  
EB: ok, there may have been a reason, in that I made fun of twilight  
EB: but it would be stupid for her to hate me for that right?   
EB: or for me to hate her for that?   
EB: I am not even sure I CAN hate her like that   
EB: I mean, I guess she can be pretty snooty and stuck-up  
EB: she’s kind of like Rose really, but unlike Rose I think she actually means it.   
EB: anyway, what do you think I should do?   
EB: dave?   
EB: dave?   
EB: bro?   
TG: yeah yeah sorry  
TG: jegus that burrito is so hot  
TG: how am I supposed to eat this shit  
TG: and look at this  
TG: now I dropped everything cause you made me laugh  
TG: good job egbert  
TG: RIP burrito we hardly knew ye  
EB: DAVE!   
TG: yeah yeah  
TG: so maryam is glaring spades at you if I get this mess right  
EB: she might be…..  
EB: vriska seems to think so.   
TG: not the most reliable source of information  
EB: screw you, she’s totally trustworthy  
TG: you think  
EB: i am serious  
EB: after the game she hasn’t been up to any of those mindcontrol antics or other harmful shenanigans  
EB: except maybe kick a spork or two  
TG: who the fuck kicks a spork  
EB: losing focus dave  
EB: how do I hate a troll?   
TG: ok  
TG: you know all those stupid romantic comedies wherein couples go on first dates and compliment each other and all that shit  
TG: like oh that dress is so fab yo  
TG: or your eyes are like an ocean  
TG: your breasts also an ocean  
TG: that deal  
EB: i guess  
EB: i never watched them though, they seemed pretty lame  
TG: not the point  
TG: the point is to do the exact opposite  
TG: like did you gain weight  
TG: a lot of weight  
TG: never fails against vantas  
TG: purposefully make a bad impression  
TG: see it as a prank  
EB: that seems like a very weird way of pranking someone  
EB: where is the punchline?   
TG: in seeing vantas flip his shit and start another rant  
TG: the punchline is the other person  
EB: ok, you don’t really make it sound all that funny  
TG: yeah well i am not gonna lay out the whole black playbook  
TG: shit gets a lot more fun once you get past the petty insults  
EB: uhm…. what happens then?   
TG: im gonna let that part be a surprise  
EB: oh yeah right *rolls eyes*  
EB: but how do you know whether or not you hate a troll?   
EB: like, the whole kismesis hate thing?   
TG: i dunno  
TG: do you like her  
EB: kanaya?   
EB: she’s not a bad person  
TG: not saying she is  
EB: she is actually kinda pretty  
TG: that’s always pleasant  
EB: but like i said, she’s kinda snobbish  
TG: alright, good start  
TG: i am so proud  
TG: our lil egderp all grown up  
TG: beginning to develop his first black crush  
EB: you know you are not being helpful right now  
TG: do you really want my advice bro?   
EB: yes!   
EB: that’s what I’ve been trying to get this entire conversation!   
TG: alright let me go mr miyagi on your ass and listen  
TG: next time you happen to hang out with her take note of everything about her that annoys you  
EB: that sounds silly  
TG: shit you want my advice or what?   
EB: fine jegus  
EB: I’ll even keep count  
TG: atta boy  
TG: hold up  
EB: what is it  
TG: shit  
TG: rezi is screamin  
TG: gtg  
EB: dave wait!

\--turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]\--

EB: URGH!  
EB: what am i supposed to do now?

* * *

 

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]\--

TT: Serket.  
TT: How is John after last night?   
AG: I am not suuuuuuuure, 8ut I thiiiiiiiiink he is F8NALLY taking the 8lack quadrant a little more serious.   
AG: I am pretty sure he is chatting with someone a8out it right now. He thought I didn’t hear him get out of this human 8ed.   
TT: Really? Well, that must be either Dave or Karkat.   
TT: That is surprisingly good news considering the events of last night.   
TT: I am not sure whether you screwed up beyond repair or succeeded beyond your wildest dreams by jumping the gun like you did.   
AG: Oh screw you!   
AG: Those two weren’t gonna start a fight 8y themselves!   
TT: I know.   
TT: Kanaya didn’t take it very well.   
AG: ….She didn’t?   
TT: Her own action surprised her, and though she isn’t certain whether or not it is pent up black lust or her instinct as a rainbowdrinker, she is scared by it.   
AG: Shit.   
TT: Quite.   
TT: If at all possible I’d like for you to jam with her tomorrow.   
AG: Alright, I think that is possi8le.   
AG: I mean, John spent the night here, 8ut I think I can get him out 8efore Kanaya gets here.   
TT: Alright then.   
TT: Second point of this discussion…..  
AG: Urgh, just get on with it.   
TT: Are you positive we remain free of suspicion?   
TT: I feel like Kanaya suspects something is at play here, or will suspect so soon.   
AG: Would it kill you to use that human cortex you’re soooooooo proud of?   
AG: I am a godtier thief with aaaaaaaall the luck, and you are a seer that can find aaaaaaaall the luck.   
TT: I know……I would still like to point out that we need to exercise caution.   
AG: Snoooooooore……..  
TT: Please take this serious Serket; we are dealing with our moirails and matesprits.   
AG: Lalonde, stop lecturing me like I am a wriggler!!!!!!!!   
AG: I know what the st8es are 8ecause, if you remem8er, I came up with this plan in the first place!!!!!!!!   
TT: …..Alright.   
TT: I suppose I just feel a little conflicted seeing Kanaya blaming herself for what happened.   
AG: Yes, and that is perfectly understanda8le. 8ut we are doing it for their own good.   
TT: I suppose.   
TT: Regardless, I suggest we allow them to take a small breather.   
AG: No way!   
AG: Strike the metal while it’s hot!   
TT: If we cause a second ‘coincidence’ so soon after the first they might suspect foul play.   
AG: Oooooooor we step it up a notch.   
TT: I just said, if we cause them more trouble they will suspect something is wrong.   
AG: Just hear me out Lalonde, cause iiiiiiiii am not going to cause any trouble........   
AG: 8ut what if I let John and Kanaya meet for a 8it tomorrow and give them some privacy?   
TT: Vriska, that is a worst case scenario.   
AG: It is?   
TT: Yes. You need to make sure John is gone when Kanaya get’s there.   
TT: If the two of them meet they’ll do anything to reconcile. It’s in their nature.   
AG: Ok. So your fa8ulous 8attleplan for tomorrow is; do nothing.   
AG: Well fine. I guess I’ll just 8e a useless piece of shit all day.   
TT: And no one will notice a single difference that day. 

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]\--

AG: why you little…….

* * *

 

Dave stormed into the room of his matesprit in a blind panic. He hadn’t heard her scream like that since it turned out the sporks had no legal system to speak off and almost instinctively felt she needed her knight to protect her from whatever it was that was bothering her.

During his sprint he bashed the door out of the way and looked at the troll, naked in bed with tear-stained cheeks, sitting up and looking in his direction with her blinded eyes.

“Jegus Rezi” Dave sighed and leaned against the doorpost.”I heard you screamin like a banshee thinking to find spork assassins took you hostage for some alien reason.” He readjusted his glasses and tilted his head.”What’s wrong?”

Whatever was bothering Terezi had already past. Instead of the shocked wail he heard earlier she was chuckling now. Dave’s mouth remained a flat line, but his eyebrow twitched, a little unnerved by the blind girl’s behavior as the chuckles turned into a full-on maniacal laughter.

“…….. You ok boo?”

“More than okay Dave.” She grinned, baring her mouth full of daggers.” I received a message from Jade.”

“Really now?” Dave mumbled surprised. Whatever it was, he was pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to bring her in such high spirits. From the bed Terezi flung a small object towards him.

Dave caught it and looked a little confused at the head of a poor scalebeast plushie. The fluff was still spilling out of the neck.

“A declaration of war!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so having both colored dialogue and pesterlogs in one fic is a pain in the bum. 
> 
> Other then that though, this is a fun self-imposed challenge.
> 
> Also; first chapter without a shitty paint illustration. How high do I have to be?


	5. of awkward conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So tired....... Had to finish today...... Because of reasons

That morning John woke up with vague memories of one of the weirdest dreams he’s had in a long time (“ _Something about me, Dave and Karkat as lucha libre wrestlers?_ ”). For a reason he couldn’t explain he did feel closer to them trough the dream.  
He quickly forgot about it as he searched the nightstand for his glasses.

John looked beside him to see Vriska had already gotten up; an unusual occurrence. She usually preferred to stay in till lunch, unless tempted with pancakes. He stretched and got out of bed, picking up his godtier pajamas from the floor (“ _self-cleaning clothes are the best kind of clothes._ ”).  
He caught a quick glance of himself in the mirror; his hair was as disheveled as always and he had a bit of a stubble (“ _Vriska says it makes me look rugged and handsome._ ”). Though he had grown into a well-adjusted adult (“ _considering the circumstances_ ”) he never did grow out of the bucked teeth.

Adding to the strangeness of finding his ‘matesprit’ got up before he did, he found her in the kitchen making pancakes (“ _or rather, attempting to._ ”) . The burning smell and black smoke filled the room as Vriska cursed and tossed a crispy black pancake in the trashcan filled with crispy black pancakes.  
John knew something was up; Vriska would only attempt to cook breakfast if she did something stupid and wanted to make up for it or when she wanted to get back at him with a prank of her own. Though he did nothing to deserve payback as of late, she did have an awful long memory when it came to revenge.  
His eyes narrowed as he carefully observed the room; an expert knew when he was about to be pranked and her absurdly large mansion could become the stage of a plethora of pranks.

“Need any help with that?” John asked carefully. He expected a prank, but even if she wasn’t going to reveal her plan just yet, she tended to get awfully touchy when her cooking attempts failed.

“I am juuuuuuuust fine John.” She grumbled, aggressively stirring the pancake mix.”Just take a seat.”

John checked the chairs for whoopee-cushions and even checked under the table for hidden objects or mechanisms before deciding to sit down.” What made you decide to make breakfast?” John asked. Though he tried to sound smooth and neutral anyone looking in his direction would be put off by his grin.(“ _She can’t expect to prank the pranking master!_ ”)

Vriska managed to whip up two pancakes, one only slightly burned, the other hardly baked at all, and covered them completely in syrup before handing them to John.” I just got up and thought; I’ll make breakfast for my faaaaaaaavorite human.” She said, flipping her hair.

John nodded carefully before taking a bite out of his pancakes (“ _She wouldn’t try using laxatives, not since the incident with Dave and Equius and she wouldn’t use Betty Crocker mix….._ ”. He gave her a suspicious look while chewing on his burned pancake.  
Vriska didn’t notice at all and just kept looking at the clock.” Look John........” she said on a sugar sweet voice, “I am going to need you to leave for a few hours.”

John raised on of his eyebrows in confusion.”Why? What’s going on?” (“ _prank wars, prank wars, prank wars._ ”)

“Nothing much.” Vriska shrugged, remaining expressionless.”Just need some privacy I suppose.”

“Is that right….” John mumbled, edging closer to his matesprit.”And just what are you scheming?”

“Schemes?!” Vriska stammered, almost choking on a piece of pancake in her panic.”What schemes!!?!”

(“I KNEW IT!”)

“Stop looking at me with that dum8 grin!” The blueblood growled, averting her eyes from the human.” I am not planning anything, Kanaya is just coming over for a bit.”

“Oh.” John didn’t know why, but he felt a little uneasy hearing that, especially with the knowledge Kanaya might be black for him. Even if he had no experience with troll-feelingsjams, he had the nagging feeling that HE would be the subject of their discussion.

“It won’t 8e anything 8aaaaaaaad, I promise.” Vriska said. John’s face was an open book to her.” 8ut if you want, I can try and verify if she’s reeeeeeeeally 8lack for you.”

“You…could?” John could feel a lump in his throat. He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to know; if she was then it could actually become a serious issue. He’d have to take the whole kismesis thing into serious consideration. What if he couldn’t hate another person like that and hurt her feelings? (“ _OR IS THAT WHAT SHE WANTS!?_ ”)  
And if she wasn’t black for him, he’d just look silly worrying about it as much as he had.

“Well, do you want me to or what?” Vriska said. Her voice was snappy but her expression soft. She was genuinely smiling at him, a rare sight even for John.

“I really don’t know.”

“I’ll have to sort it out with her anyway.” Vriska sighed.” Moirail business, you understand.” She kissed his cheek and took his plate away.” If anything interesting comes up, I’ll let you know.”

John nodded.

He supposed he’d have to find out sooner or later.

* * *

 

Kanaya made her way to the spork community.

The little yellow creatures gathered around their taller deity and looked up at her in awe. The rainbowdrinker felt incredibly uncomfortable with all the attention.(“ _Heavens, I Am Only Wearing My Red Dress. No Need To Make A Fuzz_ ”)

Vriska had insisted on a feelingsjam in the early morning, which at first surprised the jadeblood, until she remembered her behavior the previous night and the ramifications it might have for John (“ _That Poor Simple-Minded Human._ ”).

She agreed that perhaps a feelingsjam was exactly what she needed to set her mind straight.

As the mansion of her moirail came into sight she spotted a familiar figure walking her way.

“ _Oh Gods No, What Is He Doing Here?_ ”

* * *

 

John left as Vriska requested.

It was probably for the better that he did not interfere with their feelingsjam; trolls could get awfully finicky about their feelings and those who knew about them. The human understood the importance of confidants but didn’t understand why trolls insisted on having only one (“ _As opposed to say, three?_ ”)

He didn’t mind leaving for a bit. With Kanaya gone he could see if Rose was in the mood to hang out, maybe invite Dave and Jade, play some Mario Kart, just have some fun, without having to think of complex troll quadrants.

The sporks loved seeing him, especially in his godtier outfit. He was very reluctant to wear anything else; he didn’t want to disappoint the little creatures. They wanted to celebrate every time someone in godtier pajamas appeared, he was going to give them a reason to celebrate.

When arriving in the town square he was surrounded by the funny aliens but in the distance he could see a figure standing tall amidst the short creatures.

“Oh fuck, what is she doing here?”

* * *

 

“Just Go Left, Please.”

“Maybe she’ll go another way?”

Despite their best hopes to the contrary, the two of them met in the centre of the square, surrounded by a circle of sporks who were looking at them in quiet anticipation. They were waiting for an exchange between their deities, a sign of good fortune from their own little Olympus.  
Kanaya and John just looked awkwardly at each other, trying to find a way out trough the yellow aliens.

“……Good day John.” The jadeblood muttered awkwardly.”I hope this day finds you well.” (“ _Did he HAVE to wear that gaudy outfit of his?_ ”)

“Hello to you too Kanaya.” John said, more confident but no less awkward.”I’m ok, thank you.” (“ _I hope this day finds you well? Who talks like that?_ ”)

“Did you just leave Vriska’s?” the sylph asked, trying to get some control in their conversation and deftly avoiding the elephant in the room.

“Yeah, she er….said she needed some privacy for your jam.” John answered neutrally.”It seems like she’s looking really forward to…. jamming with you.”

“That’s nice. An intricate understanding of each other’s mental condition and pale preferences are required for a…. healthy moiraillegiance.”

(“ _Did He Just Insinuate I Am Weak And Need A Feelingsjam To Keep Myself In Check?_ ”)

(“ _Does she think my relation with Rose, Dave and Jade isn’t healthy?!_ ”)

“Well, I am glad Vriska has a moirail that understands her.” John said, feigning his usual cheer.”You shouldn’t keep her waiting.”

“I really shouldn’t.” Kanaya chuckled as a young spork pulled the hood of John’s outfit.”Are you here to keep these little creatures entertained?”

John smiled at the little spork and lifted it up with a strong gust.”Not really.” he said, placing the alien amidst the crowd again,“I was on my way to Rose actually.”

“Ah….” Kanaya said, finding herself at a loss for words for a few seconds.”I suppose you desire a feelingsjam yourself?” The heir of breath shrugged in response.

“Eh, not really. Don’t have problems I want to talk about. Unless Rose needs to get something off her chest I guess.”

Kanaya gave a curt nod.”I see……. Well, I’ll best be on my way.”

“Right.” John gave a nonchalant wave with his hand.”Have fun then.”

The two gods parted ways as the sporks cheered them on (“ _I’m pretty sure that one in the front row fainted in excitement…._ ”). Both of them unsure what to think of their encounter.

(“ _Is He Implying My Matesprit Is Unskilled As A Moirail? ”_

(“ _Does she think I have problems I need to jam about?_ ”)

* * *

 

“WHERE IS SHE!”

“JADE CALM YOUR TITS THE FUCK DOWN!”

“I WON’T CALM DOWN, TELL ME WHERE SHE IS!”

Karkat got cornered in the living room by an absolutely livid Jade. Tears were welling up in her eyes and in her hand she held a crumpled note, written in a very familiar quirk and signed with a teal-colored name.  
More than anything, Karkat was scared. He’d never admit it, but when provoked like this his matesprit could turn into the scariest entity in this version of paradox space. Though he’d never tell her, he understood why Terezi saw black potential in her.

“JUST TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG FIRST AND I’LL HELP YOU!” the knight shouted back. Jade angrily held the note out for Karkat to read.

It became really obvious really fast what was going on. Terezi held two of her squiddles hostage and would give them the same treatment her scalemate had gotten if she wouldn’t agree to meet her in private for…….diner. (“OF COURSE SHE’D PUT A WONK THERE.”)

“Out of morbid curiosity, what DID you do to her scalemate.” Karkat asked, already dreading the answer.

“I……” Jade started making circles with her foot and tried to avoid looking her matesprit in the eye.”I thought I could scare her off by taking the head from one of her scalemates and making sure she’d see it when she woke up……”

Karkat’s jaw hit the floor.”Jade……” he began on a hushed tone.”Do you realize what you have done? You have just entered the second stage of classical black courtship…. You have BASICALLY given her to ok to blackflirt with you as much as she wants and start with the scratching and biting.”  
(“ _OH SHIT, THAT’S KINDA HOT._ ”)

“Oh noooooooo!” Jade whined.”Karkat, I don’t want those things!” She gave a helpless little whimper.”I just want her to leave me alone!”

“Then don’t go to fucking diner with her.” The mutantblood growled and wrapped his arms around his matesprit.”I’ll talk to Terezi and get your stupid plushies back.”

“They’re not stupid!”

“Quiet now.” The knight sighed. He already told his moirail to back off, he really needed to make sure she understood Jade wasn’t going to bite. Being stood up for diner would just send the wrong message; they’d need a long conversation to come to a mutual understanding that would work for Jade.

Jade buried her head against Karkat’s chest.”Will you help me?”

“…….Of course.” Karkat growled, already dreading the oncoming conversation.

* * *

 

“Soooooooo how are you doing?” Vriska asked her moirail.

She had created a pile from shitty movies, old clothes, 8-balls and fabric Kanaya brought with her. It wasn’t ideal, but it was incredibly romantic to create a pile with materials from both participants of the feelingsjam. Kanaya made herself comfortable and stared at the ceiling.

“A little worse I’m afraid…..” she sighed helplessly.”It is a lot more confusing than I had previously anticipated.”

“Hmmhmm, is this a8out John?” Vriska asked, already knowing the answer. Of course it was about John.  
She didn’t like to admit it, but she enjoyed being the one doing the pacifying for a change; usually the jadeblood was the one to talk sense into hér. Changing the roles for a change was a perfect opportunity to show just how good a moirail Vriska Serket was.

“I…… Met with him just before getting here….” Kanaya mumbled, incredibly concentrated on the ceiling. Vriska, remembering Rose’s warning, briefly panicked (“ _if they meet up they will probably reconcile, and we’ll have to start from a worse position we started in……_ or something.”)

“Well, what happened?” The thief crawled closer to the sylph and began rubbing her horns, like Kanaya had always done for her.

The jadeblood gave a highpitched and joyless laugh.”Nothing happened…. At all.” She said confused.”We said hi, and went on our ways and yet…..” she gave a groan in frustration and threw one of the 8-balls against the wall before resting her head on her hands.”You must think I am growing crazy for this…..Hating your matesprit”

“No, not at all…” Vriska whispered, gently papping her moirail.” You are not crazy, you are the most sane troll out of us all, and John is the luckiest person alive if he can get you as kismesis.”

“I….. I don’t think he realizes what he’s doing…..” Kanaya whimpered.”In fact, it might just be me imagining things…… But everything he did when I met him in town…… It Was Like He Was Deliberately Trying To Taunt Me.”

“Really?” The ceruleanblooded troll asked, genuinely surprised by this development.

“I might just be going crazy……..”

“No, no, no, no.” Vriska quickly interfered and continued papping her moirail faster.”I’m here for you…..And I honestly think John is seriously considering the 8lack quadrant. You two will be great for each other.”

Kanaya surrendered herself to the papping before pulling her moirail in for a hug.”You really think so?”

Vriska smirked. This whole plan was going smooth and all they needed now was one little push.

“Leave it to me........”

* * *

 

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 14:59--

CG: WHAT THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU UNDERSTAND ABOUT TAKING IT SLOW?  
CG: YOU’VE JUMPED THE GUN SO HARD YOU DAMAGED THE FUCKING BARREL TO THE POINT WHERE REPAIR MIGHT NOT BE POSSIBLE, WITHOUT IT BLOWING UP IN YOUR FACE.  
CG: WHICH IS AN APT METAPHOR FOR HOW YOU TEND TO DEAL WITH THIS.  
GC: OH MY GOD, STOP CHOOS1NG H3R S1D3!  
CG: WHAT?!  
GC: SH3 C4M3 ONTO M3, *4G41N* 4ND Y3T 1 4M SUPPOS3D TO F33L SORRY FOR H3R 4ND T4K3 1T SLOW?  
GC: 1 D1DN’T JUMP TH3 GUN, *SH3* D1D  
GC: SORRY FOR NOT F33L1NG MUCH SYMP4THY FOR H3R TH3R3  
CG: SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT SHE’S DOING!  
CG: I TOLD YOU, SHE ISN’T A STRIDER, SHE DOESN’T *GET* BLACK FLIRTING.  
GC: W3LL SH3’S GO1NG TO L34RN  
GC: ON3 W4Y OR 4NOTH3R  
CG: SO NOW WHAT DO YOU INTEND TO DO?  
GC: N3XT T1M3 W3 M33T 1, DUR1NG 4 PR1V4T3 D1N3R OR 4NY OTH3R S1TU4T1ON, 1 4M GO1NG TO T3LL H3R  
GC: H3Y TOOTS, YOU LOOK 4WFUL 4ND 1 TH1NK 1 K1ND4 H4T3 YOU  
GC: L3TS SNOG  
CG: OH GO FUCK A TOASTER, LOOK WHAT I HAVE TO WORK WITH  
CG: YOU REALLY WANT TO DO IT THIS WAY?  
GC: D3P3NDS  
GC: DO YOU H4V3 4DV1S3 OTH3R TH3N; T4K3 1T SLOW FUCK4SS  
CG: ……………….  
GC: TH3N Y3S, 1 W4NT TO DO 1T TH1S W4Y  
CG: ALRIGHT, FINE.  
GC: WH4T?  
CG: WELL, I CLEARLY CAN’T STOP YOU, AND I CAN’T SHOOSH YOUR FACE OUT OF THIS MESS OF AN IDEA WITHOUT BEING IN THE SAME ROOM AS YOU.  
CG: AND I’LL BE HONEST, I FUCKING *HOPE* IT WORKS OUT BETWEEN YOU TWO.  
CG: I DON’T EXPECT IT WILL BE THOUGH, AND I’LL BE HERE IF YOU NEED ME ONCE THINGS COME CRASHING DOWN LIKE SO MANY WRIGGLER’S HOPES AND DREAMS……  
CG: BUT I HOPE YOU SUCCEED, AND FOR WHAT IT’S WORTH, I SUPPORT YOU.  
GC: 1  
GC: TH4NKS K4RK4T  
GC: 1 D1DN’T R34LLY 3XP3CT YOU TO SUPPORT M3, L1K3, 3V3R  
GC: 3V3N 4FT3R B3COM1NG MO1R41LS YOU K1ND4 K3PT UP TH3 WHOL3 R1V4LRY SHT1CK L1K3 4LW4YS, L1K3 YOU W3R3N’T H4PPY 1N TH1S QU4DR4NT  
GC: YOU H4V3 NO 1D34 HOW MUCH 1T M34NS TO M3 TO S33 YOU SUPPORT M3  
CG: OF COURSE I SUPPORT YOU IDIOT….. I JUST KINDA SUCK AT SHOWING.  
CG: I AM NOT JUST PALE-DATING ANYONE  
GC: H3H3H3  
CG: YOU *ARE* HOWEVER RETURNING JADE’S PLUSHIES UNHARMED AFTER YOUR NEXT MEETING, REGARDLESS OF THE OUTCOME.  
GC: B4H, F1N3  
GC: BUT ONLY B3C4USE YOU 4SK3D  
CG: THAT’S A GOOD GIRL

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling gallowsCalibrator [GC]\--

* * *

 

\-- arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] at 15:00--

AG: Alright, we are getting somewhere!!!!!!!!  
TT: Really?  
AG: Kanaya is almost certain she has latent 8lack feelings for John and John is starting to get mighty curious a8out the whole thing himself.  
TT: I am impressed Serket.  
TT: It sounds like you have everything under control.  
AG: Indeed, I managed to 8ring our moirails and matesprits together all 8y myself!  
AG: No need to let a human do a troll’s jo8, leave it aaaaaaaall to Serket!  
TT: You know what?  
TT: If things are going as well as you claim they are, you deserve it.  
TT: I shall leave you to your delusion of grandeur for a spell.  
AG: 8ah, what HAVE you 8een doing?  
TT: Other than having a wonderful night with my matesprit to help her forget the atrocity she committed to your matesprit?  
AG: Put a sock in it.  
TT: I have been observing. You will find it is what seers are best at.  
TT: I think I know what needs to happen now.  
AG: Good!  
AG: For all my hard work, I just KNOW these two still need a 8it of a push.  
TT: Then let’s give it to them.  
AG: What’s the plan?  
TT: Let me ask you, what would make John angry?  
AG: Insulting Nicholas Cage?  
TT: I am talking really angry.  
AG: ……..Insulting Nicholas Cage?  
TT: That is what makes YOU really angry Serket.  
TT: You will find that it is most difficult to make John angry. Whereas Dave, Jade and even myself are prone to lash out in self-defense, John is far to laid-back to actually get angry with people.  
TT: Annoyed, yes, but never angry.  
AG: Lalonde, could you perhaps put aaaaaaaall your 8oring speeches on a tape? I’m having trou8le sleeping at night and I just knoooooooow this’ll do the trick.  
TT: John cares a lot for his loved ones. Jade, Dave, the alphas, Karkat, you and myself. If something happens to one of them, he will get angry.  
AG: Soooooooo we’re kidnapping one of them and saying Kanaya did it?  
TT: ……..How did you get this far without my help?  
TT: Do you think you host a party on short notice? We need a relatively safe setting to make them feel at ease.  
AG: Let someone else do the snacks and the music and I’m game!  
TT: Fair enough, then picture this.  
TT: Kanaya and I are dancing to slow romantic music, both of us are looking absolutely stunning in the clothes your moirail had prepared for just such an occasion.  
AG: Rolling my eyes here.  
TT: Kanaya, always the romantic, desires to drink from me, and naturally I let her.  
TT: Tragedy strikes, as for some bizarre reason I faint in her arms, and who would walk in but my kismesis, joined by her matesprit while the blood still trickles down my neck?  
TT: My moirail will be enraged, and my matesprit will grow agitated from the wild accusations.  
TT: It will be the perfect catalyst.  
AG: You are going to fake fainting?  
TT: I’ll figure out a way to do it for real. I don’t think she’ll fall for a fake-out.  
TT: I cannot allow myself to give a half-hearted performance here.  
AG: Oh god, she’ll 8e soooooooo em8arrassed……..  
AG: Can we really do this?  
TT: We’ll do it after you send the other guests home. It’ll just be the four of us.  
AG: ........ Is it supposed to happen this way?  
TT: Yes. Do not chicken out on me now Serket.  
AG: 8ah, the day I am the one playing moral compass is upon us.  
AG: Fine, let’s go with this terri8le plan.  
AG: 8ut if this doesn’t work I am so 8laming you! 

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling tentacleTherapist [TT]\--

TT: Sigh.  
TT: It has to be this way.  
TT: Predetermined destiny is a cruel mistress like that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, finally figured out how to end the story and stuff..... So from now on, I actually have an idea about what to do in each chapter. Only took me till chapter 5.
> 
> So just stick with it, the two will come together in beautiful hatred...... eventually
> 
> edit: and screwed up Kanaya's text color...... will fix that tomorrow. nap time.


	6. Feast of fools part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the plans of team light come together

John returned to his own home in the middle of town, a nearly perfect replica of its pre-SBURB version.

He was hanging out so often with Dave, Jade, Rose or Vriska that he barely has the time to keep his own place tidy but one of the sporks living nearby eagerly volunteered to keep the place dust free (“ _I believe he was promoted to bishop after that._ ”).  
On occasion he would still play the piano; It filled him with nostalgia, memories good and bad. His peaceful life before the game, the sacrifices they made and the friends he met along the way. He translated every experience the game had given him into a beautiful melody. Sporks and even his fellow gods would stop and listen in to the music the heir of breath made from his memories.

Today, the song didn’t work.

Meeting Kanaya in town had been a messy experience and it distracted him from tickling the ivory in a steady rhythm. He remembered everything Dave told him regarding the black quadrant and made a mental note of everything that annoyed him about the jadeblooded troll. How snobbish she behaved, how she seemed to act like she was better than him, how she seemed to insinuate a lot of bad things about him and his relation to the other humans.  
But when he arrived back home, all these things seemed so incredibly silly; there was no way Kanaya meant to insult him like that.  
“Right?”

He needed help and was going to visit Rose to ask her advice but he changed his mind. She probably didn’t want to hear about how he was actually starting to hate her matesprit.  
Luckily for John, he had more than one moirail.

 **\--** ectoBiologist [EB] **began pestering** turntechGodhead [TG] **at 13:34--**

EB: dave  
EB: i met her again  
EB: i kinda think i need your help  
TG: HELLO EGBERT  
TG: I JUST WANTED TO SAY THAT I, DAVE STRIDER, AM A BLATANT HOMOSEXUAL WHO LIKES MALE GENITALIA.   
EB: hi karkat  
TG: DAMNIT EGBERT, YOU COULD HAVE AT LEAST AGBQIURGHBIQBV  
TG: yo  
TG: sorry bout that  
TG: vantas being a bitch again but nothing new about that  
TG: hows life  
EB: well……. i kinda met Kanaya again  
EB: its kinda weird but i think it might be serious  
TG: already  
TG: shit bro you move fast  
TG: you are becoming a black stud if you aLjjasbjfrb  
TG: JOHN, WHAT AM I EVEN READING HERE!?   
TG: get on your own fucking laptop asshole  
TG: I AM NOT WAITING FOR IT TO START UP WHILE JOHN, FUCKING *JOHN* IS BLACKFLIRTING WITH KANAYA!   
EB: uhm……  
TG: look vantas this is official moirail bizz  
TG: a little privacy here  
TG: so what happened  
EB: well, i did like you said and kinda tried figuring out what it was about her that rubbed me the wrong way  
TG: suspense is killing me dude  
TG: do you or do you not want to tap that  
EB: i dont know!   
EB: when i look back at the encounter it’s like my annoyance was completely irrational  
TG: no no no that’s good  
TG: thats how it starts  
TG: itll become completely rational dislike in a jiffy

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] **invited self to convo at 13:43** \--

TG: just look at vantas who is a incorrigible douche 24/7  
CG: PUT A SPUNK ENCRUSTED SOCK IN IT STRIDER!   
CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON BETWEEN EGBERT AND KANAYA!   
CG: FUCK, MY EYES JUST THREATENED TO ROLL OUT OF THEIR SOCKETS FOR TYPING THAT SENTENCE. IT JUST LOOKS WRONG.   
TG: maryams might just be blackflirting with your previous human blackcrush  
EB: er…… yeah, that’s the gist of it  
CG: HOW?   
CG: WHY?   
TG: vantas i am sure egbert here appreciates your interest  
TG: but you are neither his nor maryams moirail  
TG: so why dont you make like a tree and get out  
EB: actually, getting advice from a troll might be pretty useful  
TG: john shoosh  
TG: i am speaking for you  
TG: and as your very professional moirail i am going to tackle this situation with the finesse of a expert blacksmith living high in the mountains about to craft the shittiest sword in existence  
CG: YOU ARE JUST DOING THIS TO PISS ME OFF AREN’T YOU?   
TG: completely and entirely  
CG: THOSE WORDS MEAN THE SAME THING YOU IGNORANT INSUFFERABLE BULGEMUNCHER!   
CG: JOHN HUMAN EGBERT!   
EB: i thought we were past the alien name calling?   
CG: ARE YOU BLACK FOR KANAYA? REALLY?   
EB: i  
EB: well  
EB: i suppose i might be?   
CG: YOU MIGHT BE?   
CG: YOU DON’T FEEL THE HATRED BOILING UP INSIDE YOU WHEN YOU LAY EYES ON HER?   
CG: YOU DON’T WANT TO WRAP YOUR HANDS AROUND HER THROAT WHENEVER SHE OPENS HER MOUTH?   
CG: YOU DON’T FEEL THE NEED TO MAKE HER BLEED?   
TG: vantas  
TG: human kismesis  
TG: we do this shit mild like the spicy menu of the crappy chinese restaurant two blocks down the road of which you just know they didnt pass the health test yet you eat all their shit because it is just that finger licking delicious  
CG: STRIDER FOR THE LOVE OF EVERY DEITY THAT EVER EXISTED IN PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE TENSE: SHUT YOUR FUCKING PROTEÏNCHUTE!   
EB: so……are you guys going to help me?   
TG: well you are in the irrational hatred stage now right  
EB: yeah?   
TG: just keep meeting her  
TG: itll get worse  
TG: and if maryams feels the same youll be hatesnogging and getting hatelaid before you can lay back and think of England  
CG: WHY IS EVERY WORD OUT OF YOUR MOUTH ABSOLUTE GARBAGE?!   
EB: so i basically just need to keep doing what i am already doing?   
CG: NO OF COURSE NOT!   
TG: sure  
CG: STRIDER STOP GIVING TERRIBLE ADVISE.   
TG: woah vantas  
TG: i do not appreciate you undermining my moirail authority  
TG: we need to present a united front so junior knows right from wrong  
CG: OH MY GOD, I WILL END YOU.   
EB: if you could stop flirting for a moment, i am still kinda freaking out  
EB: i dislike her, i might hate her and it all feels so alien to me  
TG: thats just cause it kinda is  
EB: and if i am going to do this i am going to do this right  
TG: wait  
TG: you are actually going to make a move?   
EB: eh  
EB: maybe?   
EB: not yet i think  
EB: maybe ask her out on a candlelight hate-date if i am a little more used to this whole disliking her business  
CG: CANDLELIGHT HATE-DATES AREN’T REAL THINGS.   
EB: but you said they were!   
CG: I WAS FUCKING RANTING!   
EB: anyway, i don’t think i want to rush it  
EB: i’ll just make sure vriska and rose know that so they can relay it to kanaya if she needs a feelingsjam about that  
CG: APPROACHING YOUR POTENTIAL KISMESIS TROUGH HER QUADRANTMATES. CLASSIC APPROACH. NOT THE MOST IMPRESSIVE OR ROMANTIC APPROACH, BUT USUALLY A SAFE PLAY.   
EB: it still feels weird, like knowing they are gossiping about me  
EB: what if vriska is sharing all my embarrassing secrets?   
TG: you have embarrassing secrets  
CG: SO THAT’S IT?   
CG: EGBERT AND KANAYA MIGHT END UP AS HATEMATES?   
CG: MY HEAD…… JEGUS.   
CG: AT THE VERY LEAST HE CAN’T COME UP WITH THE EXCUSE FOR BEING A HUMAN HOMOSEXUAL THIS TIME!   
CG: DON’T SCREW THIS UP EGBERT, OR I WILL FIND YOU.   
TG: yeah what did i say karkles  
TG: youre not maryams moirail either  
TG: youre lucky you got to be part of this pale threeway  
CG: PALE THREE—  
CG: OH MY GOG……..

\--carcinoGeneticist [CG] **left convo at 13:59** \--

TG: aliens and their moirail systems  
EB: i know right  
EB: it seems so arbitrary  
TG: anyway egbert  
TG: i reckon youre doing fine with maryam  
TG: you should take it as slow as you need to  
EB: you think?   
TG: well yeah no use investing in a relation you aint comfortable with  
TG: even if its founded in hate  
EB: ok, I guess that makes sense  
EB: thanks dave, you are a great moirail.   
TG: no prob  
TG: and hey sometimes waiting for a little too long can annoy your kismesis even further  
TG: its great fun  
EB: er….. I’ll keep it in mind?   
TG: great  
TG: just message me or rose when something comes up  
TG: later

\--turntechGodhead [TG] **ceased pestering** **ectoBiologist** [EB] at **14:03** \--

John sat back in his chair. Now he knew why trolls valued moiraillegiance so much; it had an incredibly calming effect to just lay your problems in the open and discuss them with someone you can trust. Having three moirails was even better; what Dave didn’t understand he could always ask Rose or Jade.

Feeling a little more comfortable about the whole deal with Kanaya he wanted to try playing the piano again.

While he was playing a piece inspired by meeting Vriska and her crew aboard a pirate ship in the dreambubbles, his persterchum had a bunch of notifications.

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] **began trolling** ectoBiologist [EB] **at 14:30** \--

AG: Heeeeeeeey John   
AG: Sorry a8out sending you away earlier today, it was my responsi8ility as moirail.   
AG: 8UT as the compleeeeeeeetely awesome matesprit I am, I know how to make it up to you.   
AG: I’ve invited eeeeeeeeveryone at my mansion tonight.   
AG: Godtiers only natuuuuuuuurally, though if you insist you may 8ring sporks into the garden.   
AG: I know your ectograndmotherlusus will 8e there, so may8e you wanna come over and say hi?   
AG: I can also tell you whether or not Kanaya is 8lack for you?   
AG: Or should we just 8low the whole deal of so we can watch a movie together????????   
AG: John?   
AG: Joooooooohn?   
AG: JOOOOOOOOHN????????   
AG: Just let me know if you’re coming alright?

\--arachnidsGrip [AG] **ceased trolling** ectoBiologist [EB] **at 14:34** \--

John looked at the message he missed.

(“ _A party sure sounds fun._ ”)

* * *

 

Rose half expected John to come and visit her that day.

With Vriska and Kanaya needing privacy for their jam and John probably feeling conflicted about Kanaya it seemed like the most logical outcome.  
(“ _Then again; logic very seldom guarantees result._ ”)

Instead, she took it was an opportunity to spread the word about the party Vriska and she wanted to throw; the coup de grace of their plot, the event that would set in motion the relation between John and Kanaya.  
Rose was almost saddened by her seer powers. She already knew how their plot was going to end, both for the new black couple and vriska and herself, somewhat ruining the surprise. It would be a lie to say she didn’t feel a little guilty for manipulating her matesprit like she has, but she was whole-heartedly convinced it was for the best. Even now, she held onto that believe.

There were two knocks on the door, that echoed through the quiet house. Rose just assumed it was John and went to open it.

She was greeted with smiling buckteeth and black hair much like she expected, but the green eyes threw her off.

Before she could fully comprehend what was happening Jade had already wrapped her arms around the seer and hugged Rose as tight as she could. Rose had come to expect that enthusiasm from her moirail.  
“I just HAD to see you today Rose!” Jade practically squealed. Her friend just stood there and awkwardly patted her back.

“I was not expecting you today…” Rose said calmly. She couldn’t help but still feel a little awkward with all the physical contact that came with being a moirail.

Jade looked up at her friend with an almost childlike twinkle in her eyes and practically to the living room and dropped herself on the couch.”I couldn’t help it!” she said gleefully “I was in the neighborhood and I just HAD to see you!”

“……Jade. Kanaya and I live isolated in the woods.” Rose answered dryly, sitting on the rocking chair across her moirail.”I highly doubt you were ‘just in the neighborhood’, as you put it.”

The witch just giggled.”Geesh Rose, why do you always see right through me?”

Rose just smirked.”I bet I can do even better than that.” She stated before leaning back to carefully observe her friend.”The fact that you came all the way here unannounced suggests that you didn’t want anyone else to know you’d go here…. Both Dave and John would be easier to reach, so I assume you don’t want them to know.”  
“I could have just teleported you know….”  
“You carry a very pine-like scent, like you just walked through a forest.”  
“Dang.”  
“So my point stands.” Rose said smugly.”This tells me that, whatever is bothering you, either involves one of them, involves one of their quadrantmates or is more….. feminine in nature.”

Jade looked shocked.”No Rose! There is nothing wrong with my femininity!”

The seer sat back.”So tell me.” she said on a kind voice.”What is bothering you?”

”It’s……” Jade bit her lip and looked down.”It’s Terezi.”

“Aaaah….” Rose mumbled. Her eyes lit up; she realized Jade and her quadrantmates also were close to completing the esteemed triple-quadrant-reach-a-round but she never expected her fellow seer to rise to the occasion. It also explained why she didn’t go to Dave, who is Terezi’s matesprit or John who is still very green in that particular field of romance.”I think we best discuss this over a cup of tea.”

And so Jade told Rose everything that happened. The continued teasing she had to endure, her failed attempt to settle the score and how the tealblooded troll now demanded a date. Rose listened to the story carefully, making a mental note of everything Terezi did during her black courting with the hope of using that knowledge one day (“ _apparently there is no pre-determined set of rules for black-flirting._ ”).

“I just don’t know what to do Rose!” Jade whined, looking at her moirail with sad dog eyes.

Rose sighed and took a thoughtful sip of her tea.”How do you feel about Terezi?” she asked, trying not to sound like a cold and calculating professional.

“I hate her!”

“….Oh.”

The room was entirely silent for a moment. Rose took another sip of her tea before Jade seemed to realize what she just said.”N-N-No!” she stammered flustered, raising her hands as if she had to defend herself against her own words.”No, not like that!”

“It would have made matters a lot simpler.” The seer stated curtly.

“Well I don’t hate her like that!” Jade muttered, looking into her cup of tea.”I think it’s wrong to hate someone like that.” There was a awkward pause where Rose again coolly sipped her drink, before Jade realized her poor choice of words.”N-Not that there is anything wrong with you and Vriska! Or Karkat and Dave!”

“It’s quite alright.” Rose ensured her.” If you do not wish a relation with her and do not recuperate her feelings then no one is going to make you.” Rose felt her stomach tie a knot in itself; the uncomfortable sensation of guilt was creeping up on her.

“But how can I tell her?” Jade whimpered.”I am bad at turning people down, even if it’s in hate.” She looked at Rose as if her friend held all the answers.

The seer shrugged.”Just be honest with her.” she leaned forward and looked at Jade.”Tell her how you feel.”

Jade made a pained expression in her concentration, trying to put to words her feelings for Terezi.”I think she’s weird….” Jade mumbled.”But not in the fun way like you or Dave.”  
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”  
“I think she’s annoying and mean and pushy and attractive and—“  
“What was that last part?”  
“Pushy.”

Rose sat back. She couldn’t help but see John’s reflection in Jade. Had Vriska and she done things a little differently he would be on her couch along with his ectosister. It made her feel guilty; like she betrayed the trust they put in her the moment they agreed to become human moirails.  
(“ _But, I’ve seen how our dance will play out. This is the safest way._ ”)

“You should tell her tonight Jade….” Rose sighed, suddenly sounding very exhausted. Jade’s dog-ears perked up and she tilted her head.”The sooner your feelings about the matter are in the open the sooner you can put it behind you.”

“Tonight?”

“There is a party at Vriska’s mansion tonight.” The seer said; her eyes were tired but she smiled warmly at her moirail.”I can guarantee you Terezi will be there.”

Jade seemed to consider her options before taking a large gulp of tea and setting her cup down on the table.”I already tried telling her….. But if everyone will be there, I guess it’ll be different?”

“Good.” Rose smiled and walked over to her moirail, sitting down next to her on the couch.

“Now let’s rehearse it, so you know what to tell her.”

* * *

 

Nighttime came slowly on their new world, with days that lasted 34 hours 12 minutes and 57 seconds according to the time players. As gods they didn’t need to sleep as much, though everyone but the Striders, Aradia, Sollux and Karkat kept a regular sleeping schedule to stay rested.  
John was fairly sure that the timeplayers cheated and that the trolls and Dirk were just weird in their sleep requirements.(“ _According to Jade and Dave, Karkat tends to fall asleep for days at an end when his exhaustion catches up to him._ ”)

By the time he got to the mansion it was surrounded by sporks, desperate to catch a glimpse of the more elusive deities; Equius and Eridan rarely appeared in town, and the tiny aliens were ecstatic seeing their gods, if even for a moment.  
Vriska was very strict about not allowing them inside the house.

When entering the extravagant mansion, John immediately got the sinking suspicion he was a little underdressed in his godtier pajamas: everyone seemed to have suited up for the occasion.  
Dave wore his incredibly smooth looking four-aces suit, Rose wore a cocktail dress with the color scheme of her godtier outfit and Jade wore her elegant three-in-the-morning dress.  
John sheepishly joined his moirails while eyeing the rest of the crowd; Three of the four alphas gathered near the stairs; Dirk in a solid pink suit with the heart symbol on his chest and Jane and Roxy in matching blue and pink dresses. Jake probably didn’t get the message; he had a terrible habit of going away for weeks to explore the new planet.  
Equius wore a dark blue suit (“ _that on closer inspection seemed to be made out of a strange metal alloy…._ ”) and his moirail, bouncing around him wore a similar suit in a green color. She had even taken her hat off for a change (“ _did she just wink at me?_ ”).

At first glance, everyone seemed present, but no matter how much John looked around, he couldn’t find Vriska (“ _Or Kanaya._ ”) anywhere.

“Pretty horrible party so far.” A voice growled behind him. John turned around to meet the permanently annoyed looking face of Karkat, who wore a simple black suit for the occasion.”The only booze the spiderbitch pours is rum, of-fucking-course, and spork music is absolutely abysmal by its very definition.”

John chuckled and noticed Terezi walking behind her moirail, wearing a beautiful teal dress with a large red ribbon. She smiled with her mouth full of daggers in the direction of his moirails behind him.”I told you Karkat, you could stay home!” her cackling sounded like nails over a blackboard. It send a shiver down the heir’s back.

“You can’t expect me to miss you and John committing fucking crimes against the quadrant system without watching the trainwreck in motion.” Karkat growled.”Someone’s gotta clean up that mess and I am gonna point and laugh at the fucker carrying the mop.”

“No, no, no, Karkat.” John said defensively, already trying to distance himself from the tealblooded troll.”I don’t want anything black with Terezi.”

“Oh? What is John planning?” Terezi laughed, wrapping an arm around the disgruntled knight.

“John, just a heads-up…..” Karkat grunted, trying to wrestle free from Terezi’s arm.”Jade is probably going to need a heavy feelingsjam tomorrow.”

“Bah, have a little faith in me.” Terezi said on a mock-offended tone.”I know how to handle this.”

“Wait, Terezi is black for Jade now!?” John asked. Suddenly he understood nothing.(“ _what is going on with these weird pairings!?_ ”)

“Great going John.” Terezi said on a conspiring tone while Nepeta gave the three of them a suspicious look.”Say it a little louder, the world must know.”

“Uhm…..Sorry.” John muttered. He thought of his own situation with Kanaya and was a little impressed with how open Terezi was about her attraction to Jade. Completely unlike himself or Kanaya (“ _I assume._ ”). He looked at the pale couple again and saw the unamused Karkat fail to dodge the teal tongue.”Do you….. Need help with that thing with Jade?” John asked, trying to be helpful.

“I got this.” Terezi laughed.”She’ll be putty in my hands. But if you want, tell her I said hi.” She winked and just like that she dragged Karkat (" _who looked like he was telepathically begging to be saved from his moirail._ of to chat up with Feferi and Tavros, leaving John feeling a little awkward.

The music changed into a string quartet and some of the gods began dancing awkwardly (“ _Sollux being dragged along by Aradia and Nepeta shoving Equius onto the dance floor._ ”) while John made his way back to the other beta’s who were talking to their post-scratch ancestors.  
“Nah, Jake couldn’t make it.” Dirk stated dryly to Rose.”The guy found a new continent last month. Apparently the sporks there are green.”  
“Shit is so cash!”  
“Yes, it is definitely off the hook….” Dirk sighed.  
“We’re sorry he couldn’t be here.” Jane added.”It would have been an excellent time to catch up.”

“He gets like that when there’s adventuring to be done.” Roxy laughed. In a quick flash Jade turned to John and briefly looked very concerned, but the conversation carried on before he could react.

“Yeah, so how’s that four or threeway going between you guys?” Dave asked bluntly. His pokerface seemed unbreakable.  
Jane blushed and looked away, Roxy began laughing uncontrollably, but Dirk met his pokerface head-on.”It’s going quite nice, thank you.” he stated dryly.

Jade grabbed John by his arm and lightly jerked his sleeve. She had a somewhat panicked look in her eyes.”Er….” John intervened.”Please give us a moment.” Dave and Rose gave a quick nod while Jade gave her ectobrother a big hug.  
Before Roxy could mention how adorable they looked, the witch teleported herself and her brother elsewhere.

* * *

 

In a green flash John suddenly found himself on the first floor in one of the guest rooms. It was a dusty mess with cobwebs in every nook and cranny. Vriska rarely got visitors and didn’t allow sporks in her house (“ _not even for housecleaning._ ”) so the guest rooms were in a sorry state. He looked over at Jade who was coughing trough all the dust.”I thought we agreed on no more random teleports.” John said dryly.

“What did…”Jade coughed, before formulating a proper sentence. She stood up straight and tried clearing her airways (“ _probably assisted by spacemagic, cause seriously, what can’t it do?_ ”).  
“What did Terezi tell you?” she asked. Though she clearly wanted to sound confident her voice cracked a little.

“Uhm……. Yeah.” John stammered. Actually Terezi didn’t reveal any of her plans at all, she spent most of her time teasing Karkat and him.”Yeah, she wanted me to tell you she said hi? I guess.”

Jade whined miserably and rested her head against the wall.”She is planning something, I just know it!” She looked at John and slumped down next to him.”She’s been trying to get me as her kismesis for a while now…” she sighed.”And I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Yeah…..” John mumbled, looking at the floor.”I know how that feels.” Jade looked at him in disbelief and John began explaining. The siblings talked to each other about their own experiences with black courtship, how strange it felt and how much it felt they were just flailing around in it. Jade was surprised to hear about John’s (“ _POSSIBLE”_ ) blackcrush on Kanaya, however she encouraged him to go for it if he felt that way.  
”After all, she is a very attractive lady.”

Jade’s exposition about Terezi however seemed very lacking. Perhaps it was his own strange experience with alien hateromance but he had the nagging feeling his sister was not being entirely honest about what was going on between her and the blind troll.  
“So how do you feel about her?”

“Oh, I hate her!” Jade growled.

“Uh huh…..” John mumbled.

There was a pause between them in which John absent-mindedly looked through the room.”No, not like that!” Jade sputtered, the moment she realized what she said. “Just….. Platonically……I think.”

John bit his lip; though she went and used the word hate a lot easier than he did, the way she described her feelings and the way she justified them seemed so very much like himself.”You know….” he mumbled “From what you told me, Terezi doesn’t seem like a bad choice for your kismesis.”

The witch rested her head on her arms.”I knooooow.” she sighed.”But I just don’t see how you can hate someone and make it work as a relation.” The witch paused for a moment, her ears perked up and she giggled.”Though I did get a kick out of sending her the head of her scalebeast.”

“That’s pretty hardcore.” John chuckled.”And it isn’t all about hating each other right? Dave and Karkat don’t hate each other full-time, they just get very competitively, in every sense of the word.”

“And I should do something like that with Terezi?”

“I don’t know, maybe?”

“It sounds wrong…..”Jade sighed. She leaned against her brother’s shoulder.”At first I thought it was because I wasn’t a homosexual, but the more I thought about it……. Well, Terezi is pretty attractive. Did you see how she looked in that dress?”

John, having noticed very little special about Terezi or her dress, simply nodded.”You know there are plenty of things between gay and straight right?”

“I know….. It’s just weird to think of her like that.” Jade mumbled, looking up at the ceiling.”What do you think I should do?”

Her brother was taken aback; he had no idea what to do in his own situation let alone what Jade should do.  
“I dunno….” He stammered.”What do you wánt to do?”

Jade groaned miserably and hid her face in her hands.

Feeling like they’ve accomplished very little in debating their quadrantlife they decided to return to the party downstairs. Jade bounced through the hallway and down the stairs to quickly join Rose and Dave again, but as John set his first foot down the steps he heard a door open behind him.

As he glanced back he saw Vriska, who wore a elegant black shift dress with cerulean patterns and looked very uncomfortable with her hair put up.  
She was joined by Kanaya, who wore a long, jade-colored strapless dress with a silver band. The moment she laid eyes on John her skin lit up like a nightlight.  
He suddenly felt very self-conscious about wearing his godtier pajamas to the party.

“Could you….. Could you not have taken the effort of finding something more suitable to wear?” She muttered. There was an angry undertone in her voice (“ _Which I suppose is a good thing?_ ”).  
Vriska quickly placed a hand on the sylph’s cheek and made a comforting shooshing sound.

“Let’s go join the scrubs downstairs.” Vriska told her matesprit, showing her fangs in a bright smile.

John couldn’t help but feel a little uncomfortable, as he joined the moirails to the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ......Man, I just love writing Dave and Karkat. I don't like most m/m pairings, but these two have such comedic potential. I think they'd work better as bros than in an actual relation though.
> 
> Also note for future works: pick whether ot not you'll have colored dialogue or pesterlogs. If you try to do both, you get pesterlogs like these or colored dialogue that look like pesterlogs.


	7. Feast of fools part 2

Kanaya couldn’t believe John’s audacity.

She had taken so much effort in making sure her moirail, her matesprit and herself looked as radiant as possible, to look like the goddesses they were. John on the other hand arrived in his raggedy old godtier pajamas (“ _Well, It Fixes Itself So It Is Not That Raggedy But That Is Hardly The Point._ ”) as if to tell her how little he cares.  
She wanted to tear his clothes off and put him in a tux already, but she was relatively sure it would give people the wrong idea.

She also couldn’t guarantee she wouldn’t get distracted after step one.

As she descended down the marble stairs the music changed into what sounded like a tango. The ceruleanblood next to her shoved an elbow in her side.

“Make a move Fussyfangs.” She whispered. John didn’t seem to notice, completely absorbed by the sight of Feferi and Nepeta trying to tango.

Kanaya bit her lower lip and looked at the human boy.”Now? Already?” she hissed back as quietly as possible.

“Show him how the black quadrant works.” Vriska whispered back with a wicked smile.”Make him yours.”

Kanaya sighed and skipped a step to catch up with John.(“ _No time like the present I suppose…._ ”)

“May I have This Dance?”

* * *

 

Jade looked in awe as John and Kanaya took the final steps of the large marble stairs together. She knew he was at least curious about the whole experience and he seemed to have built a genuine dislike for the jadeblooded troll. Both of them looked rather uncomfortable when they locked arms together, but in their discomfort Jade could see a determination. Neither of them wanted to back down to the other.  
It was fascinating to watch.

It almost made her feel like she was missing out.

She looked around and saw that Dave, Rose and Karkat were all looking intently as the heir and the sylph began to dance; Rose in particular seemed to have forgotten everything else that happened in the room.  
As Kanaya took the lead more trolls began paying attention to the tango between the two, until everyone formed a circle around them.

Everyone but Terezi.

Jade felt a shiver run over her back as she exchanged glances with the tealblooded troll on the opposite side of the room. She had been eyeing her all night like a terrifying predator and Jade had attempted to ignore her all night.  
This time however, the seer was using bait.

Terezi was gleefully waving the kidnapped squiddles in the air and Jade just lost her cool.

She didn’t bother stomping or running towards Terezi, she didn’t bother harming her, she just teleported right in front of her and snatched the plushies out of her hands. The troll however seemed completely unphased.  
“You’re welcome.” She laughed, and didn’t even twitch. She was not the least bit intimidated by the angry witch appearing in front of her.

“Why would you even kidnap them!” Jade growled, immediately captchaloguing her precious squiddles. “What was even the point.”

Terezi smiled, leaned forward and whispered.”To get your attention.”

“What for!” The witch hissed back.”I know you are black for me alright? I get it!”

“Well obviously because I wanted to go on a date with you numbnuts.” The troll cackled. She ran her hand over the Three-In-The-Morning dress and smiled.”You look really good tonight.”

Jade took a step back, slightly confused.”Well, I’m sorry….”she mumbled. “I just don’t feel that way.”

Terezi took a step forward.”I think you do.” She smiled at Jade; non-threatening, defenseless.”That thing you did with my scalebeast? Classic.”

The human took another step back.”I just wanted to get you off my back!” she sputtered.”You didn’t have to kidnap my squiddles for it!”

With every step Jade took back, Terezi took one forward.”You could have teleported them back into your bed with a wave of your hand!” she reiterated.”Instead, you chose a confrontation. Why?”

“I…… I don’t know.” Jade whimpered. Why was Terezi looking so soft and attractive when she wanted to?

“Jade.”

“Yes?”

“Dance with me.”

* * *

 

John, not being a very experienced dancer, had no choice but to let Kanaya take the lead for their tango. Somehow he felt like he lost points for that; he needed to find a way to get even.  
Kanaya on the other hand was calmly guiding him trough the intricate steps of the dance as if she was born to do so.

“I believe the past few days have been incredibly confusing for both of us.” The jadeblood stated while making a unexpected step.

“You can say that again.” John mumbled.”How are we supposed to do this?”

“Well, for one….” The jadeblood spun around and allowed John to attempt to lead.”Allow me to congratulate you on your choice of attire for tonight; you couldn’t have made me angrier had you come in a burlap sack.”

“Bluhbluhbluh your choice of attire.” John countered in a mocking voice. He considered pressing his body closer against hers. Kanaya made the choice for him.”Honestly, who talks like that?” “Plenty of other people.”  
“Yeah, you, Rose and yourself.”

John created an airlift to make them dance four feet of the ground. Kanaya, much to her own embarrassment had to cling to John to stay in balance, while he still lead a failing tango.”You simply cannot appreciate a more sophisticated vocabulary” She said in a soft voice.”Is this your sole reason for hating me?”

The heir tossed her into the air and wanted to do a very stylish move that involved catching her, but she was having none of that. She used her space powers to teleport back into her starting position.  
”Well, another reason is that you are kind of a party-pooper.” John grumbled.”There is incredibly little FUN about you. You seem awfully possessive of Rose and Vriska, even though I share the same quadrants with them.” Kanaya put her hand on his shoulder and attempted to lead again while John guided them back to the ground.”You are snobbish and seem to think you are better then everyone around you and, before I forget, you punched me in the face for making fun of your stupid movie that is stupid.”

“My, such a passionate tirade.” Kanaya said coolly, while stepping on his foot. John moaned but kept his mouth closed and gave her a nasty look.”I’d say it was an acceptable effort, a 6/10.”

“And you hate me because?”

“Fishing for compliments is unbecoming of you John.” The jadeblood smirked. John gave her a confused look (“ _I’m not asking for compliments am I?_ ”).”You are childish, churlish and coarse and clearly posses little to no appreciation for more cultured past-times, which you refer to as, and I quote, no fun at all.” She looked him in the eyes, jade and yellow meeting blue and white.”It took some time, but I have come around to the fact that…. I really do not like you very much. At all.”

John spun her around before pressing their bodies closer again. I think that makes two of us.”

Kanaya licked her lips.”Then……. Do You Wish To Make It Official?” she asked in a soft voice. She clearly wanted to look strict and competitive, but her entire face was a unhealthy shade of jade.

“I….” John stammered, suddenly feeling a little intimidated.

John hardly noticed they stopped dancing.

Kanaya was looking at him expectantly.

Did the music just stop?

How long had all these people been looking at him?

How was he supposed to react?

Should he let her wait till he was comfortable like Dave suggested?

Should he just risk it and go for it?

**> John: Make up your mind.**

* * *

 

John cannot make up his mind as he is suddenly aware that he is Jade.

Jade Harley was good in a lot of things: She was a physics expert, she could survive in the wild, she was a botanist, she could blow a catchy tune on her flute and, not entirely unimportant, she was the witch of space with the essence of a first guardian.  
Dancing however was not a subject she’d be eager to revisit.

She was stepping on the toes of Terezi and was dancing completely out of rhythm, no doubt making a fool out of herself if everyone else wasn’t so absorbed by John and Kanaya. To her smug satisfaction however, her partner was just as terrible as she was.

“Why did we have to dance again?” The witch asked, feeling incredibly self-conscious.

Terezi just grinned and held her close.”Because you need to understand just how black we are for each other.”

“I don’t think that we are.”

“Really?” Terezi said, feigning surprise.”I think you just have a very wrong idea about what it means to be black for someone.”

Jade growled and put her head on the troll’s shoulder, reluctantly letting her take the lead.”I get it, I have to hate you.”  
“Which you do.”  
“I dislike you.”  
“Is it really that shallow?”

The witch sighed while Terezi made her spin, both physically and mentally.”Ok, so I took some pleasure in ripping your plushie apart.” She admitted.”That proves nothing.”

“You sound so very defensive.” Terezi said laughingly. She moved in to lick Jade’s cheek who immediately tried to get out of reach and lost her balance.  
With an undignified sound she fell on the ground.

Embarrassed she looked up at the tealblood, angry and confused (“ _Why does she look so good and why do I want to punch that grin of her face!?_ ”)  
“Maybe I am defensive because you try to talk me in a corner!” she growled while accepting her hand. With a sudden pull she dragged the troll to the ground as well.”You keep trying to manipulate people. Even now, you keep trying to manipulate me into admitting I am black for you!”. There was no stopping Jade now, she was going to give the seer a piece of her mind.”You keep trying to push the boundaries, even though I clearly establish them and you have no concept of personal space!”

“Like this?” Terezi asked, straddling the witch.

“Like that!” Jade growled angrily. In a flash she teleported behind Terezi.

“Why do I keep forgetting you can do that?” Terezi mumbled, getting back on her feet and standing tall to face Jade (“ _though she’s still shorter than me, so hah!_ ”).  
“You know what your problem is Jade?” The troll said with a smug look on her face.”You are afraid of confrontation. You’re scared people will point out your many, many flaws if you let them critique you. But guess what Jade?” Terezi began cackling like a mad woman.”I am going to point out your every single imperfection!”

“I don’t care!” Jade practically shouted back.”Because no matter how bad I am, at least I know you’ll always be worse!”

Terezi made a mocking gasp and placed her hand on her chest.”Me? Worse than you?” Her face turned into a malicious smirk.”Tell me, who’s fault was it you and orange Dave broke up?”

That was a low blow. Jade wanted to scream, she wanted to overpower Terezi.

She wanted to make Terezi stop talking. Without thought her legs moved her to the troll; with one hand she grabbed a horn and with her other she grabbed a fistful of hair.

She needed Terezi to shut up.

Jade wanted to kiss those teal lips, but more than that, she wanted to see them bleed.

She got closer.

“WHAT THE SHIT?!” the troll cried out.

She got too close.

She head butted Terezi.

Embarrassed she stepped back (“ _Oh noooooooooo. What did I do? What was I thinking!?_ ”). Jade looked around, hoping no one else saw that. She’d have to destroy every camera in the building if anyone caught a glimpse of that.  
Terezi was still holding her head in pain. This was probably a good time to leave.

In a flash of green the witch of space teleported to another place in the universe.

* * *

 

(“ _This is going awesome!_ ”)

Vriska had found her spot in the crowd and was watching entranced as the new black loves danced. This plan was a guaranteed success. Lalonde’s stupid back-up plan wouldn’t even be necessary because the two of them were going to confess their undying hatred for each other TONIGHT!

“I…….I’m sorry.”

Vriska’s mouth fell open. She couldn’t hear what they were saying but their body-language explained everything. It took her a significant effort to NOT manipulate Kanaya into kissing him then and there.

She wished she could hear what exactly he was saying, but she doubted it was of importance; she had to find Lalonde as soon as possible.

* * *

 

“I…….I’m sorry.”

John bowed his head in an attempt to hide his blush. He was making a fool out of himself and he knew it. Kanaya looked at him with a blank expression.

“I just…..”John stammered. He didn’t even think about what he was saying anymore.”I really kinda dislike you….. But I do not think I understand all this enough to actually rush into this.” He took a deep breath.”Even though it would probably make you feel super-awkward to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t know how to kismesis, which I guess is a good thing, I do kind of respect you….. A little bit. And I don’t want to mess this up.” He paused and looked up.”Is it even normal for kismesis to respect each other?”

Kanaya groaned and pinched the bridge of her nose.”Yes John.” She moaned.”It Is Par For The Course To Respect Each Other. Otherwise It Would Be Platonic Hatred.”

John nodded.”You aren’t mad?”

“Disappointed is the correct term.” Kanaya said quietly. She turned to try and walk back into the crowd.  
John understood he messed up but he was afraid of messing up beyond repair if he had gone for it. He just hoped he could still fix it someday.”However……”  
she tilted her head to face him. Her eyes were narrow and strict.”I expected nothing more of my future kismesis.”

John stood there dumb-founded as the crowd slowly dispersed (“ _I-I did good?_ ”). He looked to find his moirails but both Jade and Rose had disappeared. Dave however, was leaning against a stand holding a antique spork vase and gave his friend a thumbs up.

John sighed in relief and got a glass of rum for himself and his moirail.

* * *

 

“Serket, just what do you think you’re doing?” Rose asked calmly as the thief dragged her along to the cellar.

“They fucked up.” Vriska growled.”I don’t know how, but they fucked up. It seems that, somehow, John is just incapable of hating someone. He was apologizing for everything!”

The light players descended further into the massive cellar, passing multiple barrels of containing alcohol. Though Vriska would never admit it, she was very fond of the spork’s wine.  
It was clear the cellar didn’t see much use. It was dusty and would have been too dark to see in were it not for the presence of two goddesses of light.

“We need to initiate your stupid fucking plan.” Vriska growled as they arrived in a very spacious part of the cellar. The blueblood looked at the human expectantly.  
Rose gave a quick nod and uncaptchalogued a small white device. It had a thin plastic bag on one end and a dangerous looking needle on the other. Vriska was terrified just looking at it.”What is that?” she almost growled, looking at the needle.

The seer sighed.”Humans had something called blood transfusions back on earth.” She explained, shoving a barrel to the middle to sit on.”Some people would donate blood so medics could give it to people who needed it.”

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?” Vriska exclaimed in shock.”That’s disgusting!!!”

“I suppose it’s a cultural thing.” Rose said, rolling her eyes before looking at the needle.”The idea is simple. I insert the needle into my arm—“ Vriska shuddered at the thought.”And it will drain my blood. I can probably miss somewhere between one or two pints of blood before fainting since our biology hasn’t changed much. Considering Kanaya needs to feed of me for this to work, I suggest we stick with one pint.”

“So what do you need me to do?” Vriska asked, looking slightly paler then she usually did.

Rose gave her kismesis a saccharine smile.”I prefer not to look and someone needs to pull the needle out.”

Vriska groaned and looked at Rose as she put the needle in her arm.”Fine….. For Kanaya.”

* * *

 

In a flash of green the witch of space teleported to another place in the universe

It just so happened to be Vriska’s wine cellar. She saw no need to teleport that far away just to avoid Terezi. The troll probably wouldn’t think to look in the cellar and even if she did, Jade could easily teleport to the attic.

Much to her surprise however, she realized she wasn’t the first person in the cellar; She could hear the voices of two women not that far away from her. Her dog ears picked it up effortlessly.

“Fine…. For Kanaya.”

It was clearly Vriska and apparently she was working on a surprise for her moirail (“ _that’s so sweet! I never thought she’d do something like that!_ ”). Jade popped up and skipped to them, hoping she could help.

“OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THIS?!”

She didn’t expect to find Rose and Vriska working on an amateur blood draining. Rose and Vriska looked in shock, before turning to each other.

“Now Jade, calm down.” Rose calmly responded, as if she rehearsed it, ”This is exactly what it looks like.”

“Yeah!” Vriska agreed before realizing what her kismesis said.”What?”

“It looks so weird…..” Jade mumbled, looking at the equipment.”And kinda creepy. What are you doing?”  
“You know how Kanaya is a rainbowdrinker?”  
“Yeah?”  
“Which basically means she’s a vampire…?”  
“Yeah…..? Oh….. I get it.” Jade suddenly beamed.”You’re making sure Kanaya has enough blood to drink, like in those vampire movies!”

Rose smiled and nodded before turning to her kismesis.”Are we at a pint yet?”

“Err…” Vriska stammered before looking at the eerie plastic bag.”Almost?”

“It’s so cool that you’d do this for your vampire girlfriend!” Jade practically bounced.”Will Vriska donate some as well?”

“I am NOT jamming that thing in my arm!” Vriska hissed, awkwardly grabbing the needle.

“It’s kind of a personal thing Jade, don’t worry.” Rose smiled. She grimaced as Vriska carefully pulled the needle out.”Just something between me, Vriska and Kanaya.”

Jade tilted her head. (“ _I really don’t understand this……._ ”) she thought to herself. Vriska seemed incredibly uneasy, but that might just be because of the needle.” Do you need any help?”

“None whatsoever.” Rose said. She tried to get up and needed to support herself against the barrel to keep her balance.”Just a little weakened because of my generous donation.” Jade couldn’t help but notice a grim expression on her friend’s face.”Also, do you think you can keep this a secret from Kanaya? We want to surprise her.”

“I’m not giving MY blood like thát.” Vriska hissed.

“I’ll find other means.”

Jade chuckled a little. Seeing Vriska and Rose interact like that put her own situation into perspective. She thought Dave and Karkat were just like that because of their time on the meteor together but apparently it was very normal to be in hate with each other without scratching each other’s eyes out every moment. Kinda like Terezi and John already told her (“ _Cause look at Rose and Vriska, they are working together to surprise their friend._ ”).  
She balanced on her heels for a moment while looking at the pair of light players and couldn’t help but feel like she was missing out a little.(“ _What would be a good way to apologize to your kismesis? Just not do it?_ ”)

Jade realized she had been daydreaming too much, as Vriska began giving her weird looks.“Will you come back upstairs?” she asked.

“In a bit.” Rose smiled.

“Alright, I’ll go on ahead.” Jade laughed.

In another flash of green light, the witch of space teleported to the ground floor.

* * *

 

Rose sighed in relief the moment Jade disappeared. Though she loved her friend dearly, her timing was absolutely horrible.  
She was feeling faint and her legs were wobbly. One pint clearly was more than enough. If Kanaya would bite her and drink from her, she’d be down for the count. She looked up at her kismesis, who seemed to be going through the plan in her head.

Vriska turned to her kismesis.”Yeah, I’ll go too…..” she mumbled softly. “Preparing for the final stage and all that….. You got about ten minutes to get your ass upstairs and get Kanaya to do her thing.”

Rose nodded as Vriska walked away.

She thought of her matesprit and how she would react on her act.

She thought of John and how he would react on Kanaya.

She thought of Jade, who wholeheartedly believed they were doing it to surprise the jadeblood.

She thought of how things were inevitably going to end if she continued down this path.

Rose Lalonde never felt so guilty in her entire life.

* * *

 

The party had petered out and Vriska decided to send the guests (“ _save for John and Kanaya_ ”) home. Though Nepeta, blitzed on the rum, insisted that she would party till the sun came up, Equius managed to talk sense into her and carried the little troll on his shoulders.  
The rest of the party left without making much of a fuzz. Some gave their thanks to the host, others offered to host the next party, Rose didn’t really care; She just wanted everyone to leave.

When Roxy (“ _FINALLY_ ”) left, Rose found her matesprit sitting on the marble stairs, looking pretty down, almost as if she hadn’t moved since her dance with John. It made her sad to see the sylph in such a state. The seer decided to join her.

“So….. You and John isn’t happening?” she asked on a comforting tone. Vriska told her that John basically destroyed his chances of becoming a proper black couple.

The jadeblood tried to shrug nonchalant, but her face was flushing jade.”Well….. He has become quite a nuisance and he…” Kanaya paused, biting her lower lip and looking for the correct words.”He just needs a little more time.” Rose felt so sorry for her that John seemed so incapable of hate.

“He’ll come around love.” Rose said before planting a kiss on the troll’s cheek. They sat together on the marble in silence, watching the mess the room had become during the party. Rose gave a quick signal to the band and they began playing a familiar medley (“ _It had to be that song from con air….. Really?_ ”). In the corner of her eye she could see Vriska and John slow-dancing. The troll gave Rose a wink.  
The seer got up and extended her hand to her matesprit.”You know, we humans consider the last dance to be the most significant.” She said warmly.

“Really?” The jadeblood asked with a smile while being helped to stand.”I suppose it is fitting then.”

The sylph and the seer danced as the incredibly corny song played. Rose leaned against the shoulder of the taller troll and sighed happily. She would have considered this moment perfect, were it not for what she had to do.  
She could still back out. There was a chance Kanaya could be happy with another black suitor (“ _But when is that going to be? And with who?_ ”). She bit her lip and made up her mind. If John and Kanaya were to become a black couple something had to be done. She didn’t want to see her matesprit saddened because of the lack of a kismesis anymore. She deserved to be miserable with the boy she hated.  
(“ _Even if I have to set her up to get her there….._ ”)

Rose sighed and whispered in her ear.”Kanaya…. Do you want to do it?”

The jadeblood snaked her arms around the human while slowly swaying to the beat.”Do what?”

“Feed of me…..” Rose sighed and leaned her head on Kanaya’s shoulder, baring her neck.”You might not need it, but you still desire it correct? It’s been a long time….” She could practically feel Kanaya licking her lips at the sight.

“It has…..” The sylph’s tongue tenderly lapped over a vein, making Rose shiver.

“I’m all yours…..”

* * *

 

After requesting the perfect song to end the evening John asked Vriska for the last dance. The entire room felt empty without the guests, his girlfriend looked absolutely stunning, ‘how do I live without you’ was blasting through the house and the entire mood was just perfect.  
(“ _Well, aside from Kanaya dancing just there, but I guess nothing is perfect._ ”)

“Do I know how to throw a party or what?” Vriska said with a satisfied smile.

“It was great to see everyone again.” John beamed back.”And did you see what happened when Feferi tried rum? That was awesome!”  
Vriska chuckled darkly and passionately kissed her matesprit. John had trouble staying upright.

“It’s a shame nothing came out of the whole deal between you and Kanaya.” Vriska sighed.”Talk about an anti-climax.”

“Nothing came from it?” John asked, legitimately confused.”What are you talking about.”

“Well, with you apologizing and all….”

“Yeah, because I can’t be her kismesis YET.” John laughed. Now he took his turn to kiss his girlfriend, while swaying to the rhythm.”I’d have no idea what to expect. When I actually know what I’m supposed to be doing as kismesis, I’m all game.”

“Hold on!” Vriska said, legitimately shocked.”Really!?” Her almost scared tone of voice confused John and he stopped dancing.

“Well, yeah…..” He mumbled.”I asked Karkat and Dave to help me later this week and everything. Not both of them at the same time, cause that wouldn’t work at all, but still.” The heir looked up at her with a confused look on his face.”Did I do something wrong?”

“ROSE!”

John and Vriska turned their heads seeing Rose slump on the ground. Kanaya with a blood-stained mouth and a frightened expression was looming over her.

(“ _How could she?_ ”) John’s legs carried him without thought.

(“ _How do you mess up thát badly!?_ ”) he was moving faster now.

(“ _What is she even thinking!?_ ”) the wind was carrying him now.

Before he realized what happened he punched her square in the face. He promised his father he would never hit a girl and he would feel bad for it later, but she deserved it. He would not forgive anyone hurting his friends, even if they were beautiful hate-filled alien vampires.  
Almost instinctively he sank on his knees to check her pulse (“ _well that still works… She just fainted._ ”) and looked at her pale face and the puncture wounds in her neck.  
Angrily, he turned to the jadeblooded troll who was still recovering from the blow.

“HOW DID YOU EVEN DO THAT?!” John pretty much yelled at her.

“I Don’t Know!” Kanaya cried back, ”It Was An Accident, She Just Fell Down Like This! You Didn’t Have To Punch Me For It!”

“WELL WHY DID YOU BITE HER!?!” John’s face was completely red.

“It’s A Thing Between Us!” Kanaya growled back defensively.

“YOU DON’T NEED THAT STUFF ANYMORE, YOU’RE A GOD!”

Now Kanaya’s face became completely flushed.”It. Is. A. Thing. Between us!” She hissed.

“OH GOD…..” John groaned.”How do you even fuck this up?”

“And just what are you insinuating John!”

“That you are not just a unfunny snobbish troll with anger issues but that you are completely careless and possibly insane as well!”

”Anger Issues? YOU Are The One That Punched Me In The Face!”

”You knocked out Rose!!!!”

It happened before John realized what was going on.

Her lips were on his.

And he was kissing back.

It was angry but passionate. He wanted to hurt Kanaya for hurting Rose, he wanted to see her squirm. These thoughts, while usually so very alien to him, came rushing into him. Instinctively he grabbed one of her horns and started kissing the troll rougher.

In the distance Vriska smirked, satisfied at a job well done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I've lost track of the story.
> 
> Finding a legit excuse for John to get angry enough to lose control was hard, but I think I could have worked it out better. Still, heavy bloodloss trap it is.
> 
> The test came back; the needle was dirty and Rose needs to return for a check-up. Vriska is celebrating the succes of their stupid plot because it's not like there was a convenient witness to their scheming......
> 
> 2 more chapters to end this madness after which I'll have to find a new crack ship.


	8. Liars unmasked

The morning after the party Kanaya found herself on the pile in her hive, the arms of her matesprit lovingly wrapped around her in her slumber. She wasn’t entirely sure how they arrived back in the forest.  
The jadeblood put her hand to her forehead and tried to make sense of the blur that was last night.

She danced with a very unlikeable boy.

Her matesprit fainted in her arms.

And she made her move on the boy the way any self-respecting troll would.

She was fairly certain she still had a gash in her lower lip.

Carefully she dislodged herself from her matesprit’s arms before tiptoeing to the nutritionblock to make herself a cup of coffee. She made sure to also pour a cup for Rose (“ _With A Lot Of Cream And Sugar._ ”) who never slept long without her girlfriend to use as an improvised pillow.  
The sylph looked over to her still dreaming matesprit and sighed. The moment of powerlessness and fear that came over her when the blonde human fainted was terrible. Not since the game had she felt so out of her element and so useless.  
Kanaya couldn’t help but leave a tender kiss on the forehead of her fragile human matesprit.

She supposed she’d have to be more careful when biting.

As she sat down at the breakfast table she couldn’t help but feel a little different. A sense of smugness she couldn’t quite place. As if she just achieved something major, but the only thing she could think of was her almost having an established relation with John.  
She didn’t think she could feel so giddy about hating someone, but there she was; carelessly kicking her feet and thinking of ways to make him a little more miserable.  
Immature, perhaps, but it brought a smile to her face.

When she heard trollian notifications coming from her husktop she just assumed it was John Egbert. With a smug smirk she just waited, patiently finishing her cup and letting him wait until she’d decide to grace him with her presence.

As she opened the husktop she felt very silly for that train of thought when it turned out to be Jade.

\--gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering grimAuxiliatrix [GA]\--

GG: hi kanaya!   
GG: hi  
GG: kanaya?   
GG: hello?   
GG: are you up yet?   
GG: hello?   
GG: rose isn’t answering either so i guess you are both asleep  
GA: At This Juncture I Am The Only Person Awake  
GA: Incidentally  
GA: Hi Jade  
GG: hihi :)   
GG: feeling alright?   
GA: Seldom Have I felt So Alive  
GG: oh?   
GG: what’s going on?   
GA: I Suppose It Is A Bit Premature To Say This But  
GA: I Do Believe John And I Will Establish A Healthy Black Relation Soon  
GG: !!!!!!!!!   
GG: congratulations!!!!!! :) :) :)   
GA: Much Appreciated Jade  
GA: It Truly Is A Wonderful Feeling To Have Someone To Loathe  
GG: uhm…… about that.   
GA: Yes  
GG: is it normal for a kismesis to apologize?   
GA: Is This About The Scene John Caused  
GG: john caused a scene?   
GA: That Means No I Suppose  
GA: But Yes  
GA: It Is Normal For A Kismesis To Apologize  
GA: Though A Little Degrading For The One Making The Apology  
GA: If Done Correctly It Can Serve To Make The Hatred Even Stronger  
GA: But Why Ask Me  
GG: ehehehe, you haven’t asked karkat much about black romance lately have you? ;)   
GA: Oh Dear  
GG: and since i wanted answer from a troll and i think vriska is a little scary and you seem really friendly :)   
GA: Why Not Ask Terezi  
GG: ……………………………………………………  
GA: I See  
GA: Should I Assume My Black Ship Was Not The Only One To Set Sail Yesterday  
GG: well….sorta?   
GG: I kinda messed up, it was super embarrassing!   
GA: I Am Sorry To Hear That  
GG: and well…… there was another reason, but i am not completely sure how to approach it.   
GA: Oh  
GA: This Sounds Intriguing  
GG: hehehe let me try ;)   
GG: have rose and vriska been acting suspicious lately?   
GA: Pardon  
GG: ugh, wow, how do i put this……  
GA: Why Would Rose And Vriska Act Suspicious  
GG: uhm…. no reason!   
GG: but nothing happened?   
GA: No  
GA: Well  
GA: No Not Really  
GG: :(   
GA: The Only Thing Unnatural That Occurred The Past Day Is The Black Relation I Find Myself In  
GG: oh, oh, was it romantic?   
GG: did John get down on one knee?   
GG: did you kiss?   
GG: tell me the details!   
GA: Er  
GA: To Answer Your Barrage Of Questions In Order  
GA: We Danced So I Suppose It Was Somewhat Romantic  
GA: No  
GA: And Yes  
GG: the details!   
GA: Do I Have To  
GG: YES!   
GA: It Is Rather Embarrassing  
GA: Why Do You Not Speak Of Your Own Endeavors With Mrs Pyrope First  
GA: Perhaps I Will Be More Inclined To Talk If I Can Compare My Own Shameful Encounter  
GG: fiiine.   
GG: so when you and john began dancing i tracked down terezi.   
GG: she was holding the kidnapped squiddles in plain sight, so i teleported over to take them back.   
GA: Squiddles  
GA: Are You Quite Serious  
GG: yes!   
GG: but then…… well  
GG: she began playing mindgames on me  
GG: and i began thinking that well….. maybe i ám black for her  
GG: then we began dancing and she just acted so…… infuriating!   
GG: i got so angry kanaya!   
GA: Terrifying  
GG: hihi  
GG: then she made a crack about davesprite and i just wanted to shut her up  
GA: And You Kissed Her  
GG: i……head butted her……  
GG: and then i ran away.   
GA: How Amusing  
GG: more like embarrassing!   
GA: It Is Perfectly Natural To Tease Your Partner And Drag Out The Courtship A Bit  
GA: In Hindsight I May Have Been A Little Too Rash With John  
GG: so what happened!   
GG: else I’ll ask john for his version  
GA: Never  
GG: :B  
GA: I Shared A Last Dance With Rose And Well  
GA: I Drank From Her  
GG: drank from her how?   
GA: Her Blood  
GG: wait, like, from the neck :O  
GA: It Is A Thing Between Us  
GG: uhm………  
GA: Regardless She Fainted  
GG: oh noooooo!!!   
GA: That Is An Apropriate Sentiment Yes  
GA: Then John Had To Show Up  
GA: And There Was A Lot Of Yelling  
GG: but uhm….  
GG: why did you drink from rose?   
GA: I Just Explained Did I Not  
GA: It Is A Thing Between Us  
GG: yes but……  
GG: did she just let you?   
GG: drink from her i mean?   
GA: She Was The One Who Suggested It  
GA: Should She Not Have  
GG: but…. Oohh!!! That rose!   
GG: we’re gonna need to have a serious feelingsjam about her endangering herself like that  
GA: I Understand Your Concern But I Can Guarantee You This Was A Freak Accident  
GA: She Has Allowed Me To Drink From Her Many Times Before And Never Did She Faint  
GA: Last Night Was Just An Accident  
GG: but….  
GG: but…..  
GG: :(   
GA: I Am Really Glad That Rose Has Such A Concerned Moirail  
GG: is rose awake yet?   
GA: Barely  
GG: i’ll pester her for a bit  
GG: so i might be quiet for a bit :(   
GA: Alright Jade  
GA: See You Soon

\--gardenGnostic [GG] changed status to busy--

Kanaya sighed and turned over to her matesprit.

She couldn’t help but feel uneasy when her face turned sour as the pesterchum messages came in.

* * *

 

Rose woke up after a blissful night.

The plot they had to use to make John and Kanaya fall in hate was definitely not some of her best material, but even poor plans have a chance of success when you have complete control over the very aspect of luck.

She couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty about everything. She caused Kanaya to worry and caused John to get angry, but in the back of her head she knew it was worth it.  
Kanaya’s smile rarely was as radiant as it was after her kiss with John. Rose was certain Vriska would notice a similar occurrence in John.

Before long her laptop began beeping and the seer groaned as she propped it on her lap, to see green classed text clutter up the screen.

\--gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]\--

GG: oh my god rose i cannot believe you!   
GG: right after you make a blood bag for kanaya you let her drink from you?

And the guilt returned in full force, as her stomach tied itself in a knot and the blood rushed to her cheeks. The one loose end.

GG: just what did you expect would happen!?    
GG: if you wanted her to drink from you, you should have given her that blood bag!    
GG: you could have gotten hurt rose!    
GG: and i am sure you worried john!    
TT: Have you told her?    
GG: told her what?    
TT: Have you told Kanaya about the blood bag?    
GG: no i haven’t    
GG: i promised you it would be a surprise right?    
TT: Right.    
TT: Regardless Jade, I am very sorry to have given you cause to worry.    
TT: However, as you might have guessed, I am fine now.    
GG: yes but……   
GG: that was really stupid rose :(    
TT: I apologize.    
GG: so when are you going to give it to her? 

Rose stopped to think for a moment.

There were few escapes left for the seer. She couldn’t give the blood bag to Kanaya; the rainbowdrinker only liked blood when it was fresh; they had plenty of time to experiment with that on their meteor ride. She knew that and she knew Kanaya knew she knew.

On the other hand; she couldn’t keep it either. Jade would get suspicious and keep wondering about whether or not Kanaya had been ‘surprised’ yet. In the worst case scenario, she would puzzle it together herself. Naïve as she could be, Jade wasn’t stupid.

Perhaps it would be best to diffuse the situation with something else entirely. A surprise, yes, just not the one Jade was expecting.

GG: rose are you still there?    
TT: I am.    
TT: Do not fret, I’ll surprise Kanaya in a few minutes.    
GG: :O   
GG: tell me how it goes!    
TT: I shall. 

\--gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT]\--

With a sigh Rose quickly began formulating a plan to surprise Kanaya and get Jade out of their hair for a bit, not noticing the ever watchful eyes of her matesprit on her.

(“ _Why can I not suppress this dreading feeling of guilt!_ ”)

* * *

 

Whatever Jade had discussed with Rose clearly caused her a lot of distress.

Kanaya had been observing her matesprit and saw her expression slowly grow more and more grim. Now she had an incredibly concentrated expression as if she was trying to figure something out.

The jadeblood wished she could help, but got surprised by the human hero of space again.

\--gardenGnostic [GG] changed status to online--

GG: hihi, sorry about that :B   
GG: rose said she’d surprise you in a few minutes   
GA: Are You Certain   
GA: She Does Not Look Ready To Surprise Anyone   
GG: don’t worry   
GG: she and vriska worked on it :B   
GA: Now I Am Curious   
GG: trust me :)    
GA: Alright   
GA: Actually   
GA: I Think She Is Coming This Way   
GG: oh great!    
GG: remember, act surprised   
GA: I Shall   
GA: Till We Meet Again Jade

\--grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG]\--

GG: ooooh……   
GG: i forgot to ask HOW to apologize to your kismesis :(

Kanaya sighed lazily as she felt the arms of her matesprit wrap around her from behind.”Good morning Rose.” she mumbled, tenderly holding the human hand.

“Good morning love.” Rose said in a hushed voice. She left a kiss on the troll’s cheek and walked around the table to sit across her. Kanaya couldn’t help but notice the human seemed a little uneasy.”Did you sleep well?”

Kanaya nodded.”It was a productive night.” She said, thinking about the party. Rose just nodded her head.

“So I heard.” Her matesprit replied.”I missed the big moment but I am sure you had a lot of fun with him.” There was a strange inflection in her voice. (“ _Did she feel guilty about fainting?_ ”)

“He’s still very punchable.”

Rose chuckled; a dark, dancing chuckle that never ceased to make the troll shiver.”Just wait until he starts bringing pranks into the equation.” Kanaya shuddered to think about it.”Regardless, I believe the past week has been very stressful on you.”

Kanaya nodded and went quiet. She still had to get used to the human romance thing; where matesprits would act as if they were moirails. It was more than a little strange, but the jadeblood understood the underlying sentiment.  
Despite her sympathy, she couldn’t help but notice that Rose seemed rather stressed herself. Her eyes were moving around the room and she seemed to avoid eye contact (“ _Or is it just me?_ ”)

“Would you like to get away from this place for a while?” she asked in a small voice.

Kanaya’s ears perked up and she looked at Rose, who had an almost childlike twinkle in her eye.”Get away?” She asked, a little confused.”To where?”

Rose sat back and smiled warmly at her matesprit.”Anywhere. The east perhaps. This world we created is beautiful, but I have yet to see the eastern side of it.” she grabbed the jadeblood’s hands from across the table.”We can get away for a while; just the two of us. Just for a while…..”

Kanaya bit her lower lip, looking at the face of her matesprit (“ _Why did she sound so desperate asking that?_ ”). Regardless, the thought of taking a vacation with Rose sounded like it would be a lot of fun.”It sounds lovely darling.”

Rose laughed as if she couldn’t believe it herself.”Alright then…..” she said softly, “I’ll find a place the two of us can spend a week or so.”

“What about Vriska?”

“What about Vriska?”

Kanaya tilted her head, quite vividly remembering her conversation with Jade.”Did….. Vriska not assist in this idea?”

Rose froze. For just a split second her eyes went wide in panic, before returning to their calm and collected state.”She uhm……” she stuttered (“ _She never stutters._ ”).”span class=rose>She may have suggested something, yeah.”  
The seer got up, making an attempt to leave the conversation, but Kanaya grabbed her arm.

“Rose, what is wrong?” she asked concerned as the human’s lower lip began trembling.

“It’s nothing.”

“Rose, you are acting really odd.”

The human turned helplessly to her girlfriend and looked like she was about to cry.

“Rose, what did you do?”

* * *

 

She couldn’t take it anymore; there were no more ways out. Not without increasingly elaborate lies that in time would need to be covered up as well. Her vision was her curse; she had seen the paths narrow ever since Vriska made Kanaya punch John, but she always believed they could have gotten away with it all.  
But, she had made a small miscalculation in her hastily thrown together plans; Jade had mentioned Vriska’s involvement. Now it would be just a matter of time before the jadeblood would fill in the missing pieces.

“Rose, what did you do?” The jadeblood asked. Though her voice was filled with concerned, to Rose each syllable felt like she was being struck with a hammer.

“I-I’m sorry……” she said in a tiny voice.”Fainting last night…… Was entirely my fault.”

“Well, it wasn’t as if you could do something about that……” Kanaya knelt down next to her matesprit, who remained eerily quiet and shivered when the sylph placed a hand on her back.”…..Could you? Is this a human thing?”

Rose bit her lower lip and hung her head in shame. She wanted to go, to flee elsewhere, to avoid this conversation for just a little while longer.”But why…… And what does Vriska have to……” Rose wanted to curl up and sink trough the ground; she could practically sense her girlfriend connecting the dots now.

“Are you saying you tricked me into believing I made you faint?” The jadeblood mumbled on a barely audible tone.”Then made John believe I hurt you?”

Rose swallowed and gave the tiniest nod she could give.

“Then…… When Jade mentioned Vriska’s involvement?”

Another nod and a quiet sob from the human. She didn’t dare look up to face her matesprit, but she could hear the anger and disbelief growing in her voice.

“You…… The both of you…..” Kanaya muttered.”You tricked us…….” There was a silence between them. Rose understood exactly where her thoughts would lead her and kept quiet.”How long?”

“From…..” she said quietly, as if she hoped she wouldn’t be heard.”From the beginning.”

Kanaya stood up and walked to the table.”Every feelingsjam…” She muttered.”Every night I shared with you…..” Rose turned and looked Kanaya in her bright eyes. Her skin had grown luminescent again in frustration. Her fists were balled in anger and her body was trembling.”Rose I trusted you!”

“I’m sorry!” she whimpered, almost wanting to throw herself to her feet.”We thought it would be good for you to….. to finally have a kismesis!”

“And You Assumed I Couldn’t Proceed To Find One Myself?!” The jadeblood spat back.

“I….. We wanted what was be----“ Rose could not finish her sentence.

Kanaya had taken a flash step right in front of her and hit her matesprit in the face, knocking her back into the pile.  
When Rose recovered from the blow, her matesprit was gone, and she was relatively certain she missed two teeth.

She realized she screwed up for herself, but there was another one involved.

She had to be warned.

* * *

 

Once again, Vriska managed to get out of bed before John did and began cooking breakfast.

She knew she was a terrible cook; she didn’t care. She just wanted to do something good for her human matesprit.

He had been so cheerful after the party; like a burden fell from his shoulders. It was amazing to see just how fast John took to the black quadrant. It made her proud to know she made him into such a bad-ass.

When her phone gave a trollian notification she wanted to ignore it, but after seven more she kind of felt obliged to check it out, hoping that the pancakes wouldn’t burn when she looked at who was trolling her.

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]\--

TT: The gig is up.   
TT: Kanaya knows.    
TT: Keep John away from everything.    
TT: His phone.    
TT: His Laptop.    
TT: His microwave if that thing has pesterchum.    
TT: I’m gonna look for Kanaya and see if I can calm her.    
TT: Please be on time to stop John. 

\--tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering arachnidsGrip [AG]\--

Vriska’s face paled and she forgot about her pancakes as she stormed upstairs in an attempt to get to her matesprit. But when she opened the door to the bedroom John was just looking at his phone with a betrayed expression on his face.

“John…” Vriska said in a panic.”I can explain.”

John just closed his eyes and turned into a breeze that knocked Vriska of her feet.

And just like that, he was gone, leaving behind him a phone displaying a lot of jade text.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost....... Done.
> 
> That weird moment when you feel like the porn story is easier to write then the relativly normal story.
> 
> So what should we call this ship? Breathmints? Vampire's Heir? Sylphs are air elementals, so perhaps something with that.
> 
> Alternative of the chapter would have Jade figure out Rose was full of crap after Kanaya mentioning she only drinks fresh from the neck, but I felt that would discredit Kanaya.


	9. Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the story finally comes to a climax

It did not take a genius to figure out where John went.

Vriska had made a beeline for Dave’s place the moment John disappeared in thin air. Feeling betrayed by herself and Rose it was one of the two places where her matesprit could hide on such a short notice.(“ _But keep Karkat’s place in mind just in case._ ”)  
She shoved aside every spork on her way until she made her way to the tower on the edge of the city. Vriska remembered the human proclaiming how it was the closest thing he’d get to the real thing before he started to rap about it.  
He was a dweeb, but John liked him so she tolerated him.

What she didn’t tolerate was being stopped at the door by the aforementioned dweeb.

“Easy Anansi.” The human said, leaning against the doorpost as she wanted to walk past him. His mouth was a thin line and if Vriska didn’t know better by now she would swear he was frowning.

“Is John here?” She asked, not in the mood to put up with his crap.

“Aye, he’s here.” Dave answered neutrally.”Locked himself in the guestroom with a chickflick and a tub of B&J’s.” Vriska felt a pang of guilt in her chest.”Expected that kinda shit from Karkat but shows what I know.” His face was completely passive, but she could feel his eyes judging her from behind his shades.

“I have to see him.” Vriska growled, standing in front of the shorter human blocking the entrance.”Move.”

Dave sighed.”Yeah, not happening Charlotte.” He said, still completely neutral but with some tension in his arms he hoped would go unnoticed.  
“I said I have to see him!”  
“And I said that ain’t happening.” He stood straight and looked defiantly into Vriska’s eyes from behind his shades.”I ain’t sure what you and Lalonde did but damn, did you screw up something fierce.” Vriska flinched and did a step back.

“But I…..” Vriska grumbled, looking at the ground.”I have to make this up to him. Somehow.”

Dave sighed and patted her shoulder.”Look May Parker…. Take it on moirail authority it’s best you give the kid some space. Jade and I’ll figure out what’s wrong.” He briefly looked back into the tower at the sound of a door closing.”Though it would help if you spilled the metaphorical beans here and now like you intend to steal a giant’s goose.”

“I’d…….” Vriska hesitated, confused about both the metaphor and the situation. She could come clean now and sort out a solution with the annoying human but it was embarrassing enough as it was.”I’ll just…. Give him some time then.” She conceded. It was a dark day that she had to trust Strider’s judgment.”Please tell him I came by.”

Dave looked genuinely surprised.”Damn Yamame.” He whistled.”That bad huh? I’ll have a field day teasing Rose about this shit once it gets out.”

“Just make sure he’s ok, alright?” Vriska sighed, before sulking off. She could hear Dave close the door as she turned around and decided to fly back into town to meet up with her partner in crime.

* * *

 

It was a dire situation for the pair, but Rose had her standards.

She had proven to be a terrible fit in the red quadrants but she was determined to be an adequate kismesis. Therefore she was committed to appearing half an hour late at their usual café. Vriska didn’t even comment on her tardiness, much to her disappointed. Without saying a word she sat down in front of the blueblood.”Any luck finding John?” she asked carefully.

The troll sat back and rolled her eyes.”What do you think?”

Rose nodded.”At Dave’s, naturally.” She mumbled.”Kanaya was not difficult to locate either.”  
“Karkats place?”  
“I think I might be partially deaf.” The seer shuddered at the memory of her visit.”You’d think he would have mellowed out a little post-game.”  
“Well, we did give him something to rant about this time….” Vriska folded her arms on the table and rested her head atop of them while the serving spork delivered their usual drinks.”And once he gets going…..”  
“I learned a few new words there that I never intend to use in polite conversation.”

The troll nodded as the two of them sat in silence, their drinks untouched in front of them.“Where did we go wrong?” Vriska asked quietly, thinking about John’s betrayed expression before he disappeared.

“Do you desire the honest answer?” Rose asked bitterly recalling the punch Kanaya threw. Vriska looked up as the seer sighed miserably.”Our chances had dwindled after you interfered during their viewing of twilight—“  
“Oh so it’s my fault!?”  
“—and again immediately after we went through with my plan during the party.”  
“Oh… So basically—“  
“We both chose the wrong approach to the situation, yes.”

Vriska groaned and dropped her head in her arms again.”This suuuuuuuucks.” She whined.”I don’t want to lose Kanaya and John over this.” Rose said nothing as she pretended to be fascinated by the window of the café, even though she agreed with the troll’s sentiment.”What could we have done?”

Rose shrugged, trying to ignore the shiver that ran over her back.”I don’t know.” she said. Her voice sounded a lot weaker then she intended it to be, as if she was talking trough a filter.”Maybe we should have let them take their time? Maybe we shouldn’t have interfered at all.”  
“Your shitty vision said things were going well.”  
“My shitty vision told me there was a fortunate outcome wherein John and Kanaya ended up as a couple.”

There was another awkward silence between the conspirators. Rose forced herself to drink some of the now lukewarm coffee as neither of them dared asking the question on their minds. In the distance the sun was slowly setting as the shadows began dancing over their table.

One of them couldn’t help herself and asked.

“Do you think they hate us?”  
“No.”  
“Oh…. That’s good.”  
“What do you suppose we do now?”  
“Give them time I guess.”  
“Oh…..”  
“Yeah…….”

In silence they finished their drinks and went their ways, uncertain of how to fix the situation they brought upon themselves.

But as a popular human saying goes; time heals all wounds. And some heal faster than other.

* * *

 

“\---And that is basically what happened.” John mumbled. He sat next to his ectosister in the barely decorated guestroom of Dave’s place. The room was hardly big enough to hold the bed and a cupboard; Dave said the small encamped rooms reminded him of his place in Houston.

Jade had a thoughtful expression on her face.”I am new to this kismesis thing myself…” she mumbled.”But this is not a very mean way of hating someone right?”  
“Well, I’ve never seen Rose or Vriska do it.”  
“So then—“  
“Yeah, it’s probably true.” John sighed feeling confused about the whole situation.”I mean, you should have seen Vriska’s face when she came up; she had definitely been up to something.”

Jade gave her brother a sympathetic smile.”It isn’t nice that they manipulated you like that.” She said, playing with his hair.”But maybe it was a big prank?”  
“It’s a bit too mean to be a prank.”  
“A bad prank then?”

The boy dropped himself on his back and just looked up to the ceiling.”It’s just….. weird.” he groaned.”They didn’t háve to lie to me about this right?”  
“Maybe they did it to help you?”  
“Help me how?”  
“Well, you were probably even worse at this whole kismesis thing then I was.” Jade said, unable to hide a giggle.  
“Oh, no way!” John protested.”You were so much worse it wasn’t even funny.”  
Jade began laughing now.”Maybe we were both horrible.” His sister’s laughter was a little infectious and he couldn’t help snickering.

“Ok….” He concluded rolling on his stomach to look at Jade.”I guess that’s a point…… I probably never would’ve considered this whole thing if it wasn’t for the whole mess they caused.” Jade already wanted to cheer for her brother but he continued.”It doesn’t make what they did right though.”

“I suppose it doesn’t…..” Jade admitted, absentmindedly scratching behind her ear.”Are you mad at them?”

John sighed.”This is about Vriska and Rose.” he said with a wry smile.”I couldn’t stay mad at them…. I’ll just force Vriska to learn how to make pancakes to get back at her or something.”  
“Oh! And make Rose read the entire works of Sassacre!” Jade encouraged him.”That’ll teach her!”

Now they both couldn’t help laughing as they dropped down on the bed.

“Welp, glad the two of you are comfortable.” The heir and the witch looked up to see the knight in the door-opening.”Glad you feel a bit better Egbert.” Dave gave his bro a nod of approval.”I was afraid I had to order a whole box of puppies to cheer you up, but Harley did the job.”  
“Well she is pretty much the best moirail.”  
“Shit bro, now you offended my pale feelings and made me feel inadequate like the only white guy in the shower after a basketball game.” Dave said faster than John could follow, even if he nodded along. “We need to get you of this bed and onto a pile, pull out a mixing board and a shitty keyboard so we can jam all night.”  
“I can play flute!”  
“Play bass and we’ll call it a deal.”

Jade jumped of the bed and teleported away as Dave took her place. Even if he didn’t take of his glasses, John could tell he was looking at him.”Alright bro, real talk.” The Texan said in a far more serious tone.”You ok?”  
“Bit better yeah.”  
“You still cool with Lalonde and Serket?”  
“I think I’ll get over it sooner or later.”  
“You sure?”  
“Yeah.”  
Dave nodded in approval. It was enough to convey his brotherly feelings for the heir. It didn’t stop him from messing his hair up. John squirmed and tried to swat his arms away; he would even swear Dave popped a smile.

“And what about the other victim in the Serket/Lalonde collaboration?” Dave asked as John tried to fix his hair.  
“Kanaya?”  
“Who else?”

John pondered for a moment and sat down again. Since he arrived at his friend’s place he had only thought about Rose and Vriska, almost completely forgetting that she informed him of what was going on.  
Even knowing that everything was staged, he still held some dislike for the troll.  
“I….. don’t know?” John mumbled.”Where she is, I mean.”

“Oh she’s at Karkat.” Dave assured his moirail.”He contacted me to tell my moirail to stop manipulating my other moirail and her matesprit and I could not bother keeping track of that nonsense.”  
“Alright, that’s….. good?” John mumbled.

Now that Dave brought it up his thoughts went out to the jadeblood. The punch, the awkward meeting in town, the dance, the second punch, the kiss (“Oh man, that kiss.”). She could have confronted Rose and Vriska alone and command them to stop, but she respected him enough to bring him into the know.  
She was so frustratingly confusing, the situation was so frustratingly confusing, it gave John a headache. But he knew what he had to do.

Or at the very least; he had a faint idea of what he had to do.

“Dave, do you have a laptop?”  
“Sure sir. I’ll deliver it post-haste to my esteemed guest as I am merely a humble butler on bu---“  
“Please?”  
“Sure Egbert.”

* * *

 

Admittedly Karkat was not the ideal companion in a situation like this.

He raved and ranted and really got on his soapbox while screaming to Rose about quadrant integrity, the duties of a moirail and a lot of other unrelated subjects Kanaya did not actually care for. She didn’t like to see her matesprit get verbally abused like that but she knew she could take it.  
And though it pained Kanaya to admit it, she deserved it.

Before Karkat could return to rant to her about the situation she locked herself in the guestroom. She appreciated his concern, she truly did. He was probably her best friend but she was aware things had a tendency of getting pale in complicated situations such as these.  
Despite Vriska’s scheming, she considered herself a loyal moirail.

She sighed as she dropped down on the rectangular resting apparatus, trying to make sense of this mess. Rose and Vriska were manipulating her to become black for John. “Why.” she mumbled to no one in particular.”What good is that to anyone? Why would Rose endanger herself for something so frivolous?”

She hid her face in something her matesprit called a pillow and groaned in frustration. It hurt to be manipulated by your loved ones. It hurt and she couldn’t make sense of it, which frustrated her to no end.  
And to add to that frustration her trollian was receiving a lot of notifications, making an incredibly annoying sound.

But perhaps she could use it to vent.

\--ectoBiologist [EB] began trolling grimAxiliatrix [GA] at 18:21--

“John?” Kanaya mumbled, surprised that he was online.

EB: hey kanaya  
EB: i just wanted to thank you for telling me what was going on  
EB: i guess i kinda owe you for that  
EB: are you holding out ok?   
EB: since you dont have 2 moirails to fall back on in case one decides to do something like this  
EB: are you even online?   
EB: guess i am just a bit jittery myself  
GA: I Am Here John  
GA: And I Have Been Better  
GA: But Considering The Circumstances And In An Attempt To Cut This Conversation Short  
GA: I Am Fine  
EB: wauw, that is kinda rude  
GA: My Apologies  
GA: I Have Not Yet Completely Committed To The Fact That Our Hatred Was A Fabrication  
EB: ah, that’s ok  
EB: just dont get offended if i make similar mistakes  
GA: Duly Noted  
EB: so basically rose pretended to faint to make me angry with you?   
EB: and somehow vriska was involved in it all?   
GA: She Did Not Merely Pretend  
GA: She Had Previously Performed A Human Bloodletting Ritual Before Letting Me Bite Her  
GA: The Blood Loss Of These Two Activities Made Her Lose Consciousness   
EB: so basically she endangered herself for a stupid plan  
EB: i really hoped she had gotten over that  
GA: Perhaps You Have Not Been Performing Your Moirail Duties Adequately  
EB: no way!   
EB: we are the best moirails, and even if i screw things up sometimes dave and jade keep an eye on her as well  
GA: If You Say So  
EB: but what was vriskas role in all this?   
GA: If I Were To Assume I Suppose Subtle Mental Manipulation  
EB: vriska? subtle?   
GA: Fair Point  
GA: Regardless She Is A Psychic  
GA: I Fear She May Have Been Responsible For My Assault On You When We Were Watching Twilight  
EB: hahahahaha oh man  
EB: i hate to admit, that is kinda funny  
GA: Me Punching You Is Considered Funny  
EB: no, but you were just getting on my case about not fulfilling my duties as a moirial  
EB: and now you say your moirail actually manipulated you into punching me  
GA: But I  
GA: I Am Not The One On Trial Here  
EB: well neither am i  
GA: Why Must Speaking To You Be Such An Exhausting Task  
GA: Is There A Point To Be Made Here  
EB: actually i just wanted to know how you are doing  
EB: and how mad you are or arent with rose and vriska i guess  
GA: I Just Told You I Am Fine  
EB: yeah yeah, i read that  
EB: quit being so stuck up about it and just answer  
GA: Pardon  
EB: sorry, force of habbit i guess  
GA: Right  
GA: I Suppose  
GA: I Am Not As Mad With Them As I Feel I Should Be  
GA: Mostly I Just Feel Hurt  
GA: That Somehow They Felt The Need To Go Behind My Back And Pull A Stunt Like This  
EB: our backs  
GA: And That They Went Behind My Back To Let Rose Hurt Herself To Frame Me  
EB: once again, our backs  
EB: and yeah, Rose just loves to go the extra mile doesn’t she?   
GA: It Is One Of The Reasons I Love Her So  
GA: Like I Suppose You Find Vriskas Scheming At Least Somewhat Charming  
EB: heh, yeah, i suppose i do  
GA: Even If You Tend To Lack The Mental Capability Of Finding Out When She Is Scheming Against You  
EB: hey, don’t pin this on me  
EB: you were just as fooled by them as i was  
GA: Yet I Figured It Out  
GA: What Rose Said Didnt Match Jades Account  
GA: And Rose Herself Was Looking Like She Had Just Put Down Her Barkbeast  
EB: oh wauw  
EB: sorry that i never heard of any secret plans from jade  
GA: This Is Ludicrous  
GA: I Do Not See Why I Am Continuing This Conversation  
EB: well  
EB: if i were to guess  
EB: i’d say its because you dont like me very much.   
GA: No I Dont  
GA: But Our Attraction Was A Fabrication By Our Matesprit And Moirail  
EB: yeah, see……  
EB: that was another thing i wanted to talk to you about  
GA: Oh  
EB: see, i am not as clever or wordy as you or rose  
EB: i am not and i can admit that  
EB: but despite that, i really like rose  
GA: When She Isnt Manipulating Your Every Move  
EB: right  
EB: and i have done a lot of thinking and i talked it over with my other moirails and everything  
GA: That Bizarre Alien Fourway Moiraillegiance  
GA: How Does It Even Function  
EB: could you stop interrupting me?   
GA: If You Wish This To Turn Into A Monologue  
EB: kinda, yeah  
GA: Well If You Would Hurry To The Point  
EB: fine!   
EB: the point is that i did a lot of talking with my moirails  
EB: did a lot of thinking  
EB: and i kept drawing the same conclusion every time  
EB: the truth is, well  
EB: even knowing we have been manipulated and everything  
EB: i dont like you  
EB: i really dont like you  
EB: and the more we talk the more i begin to think that i really kind of hate you  
EB: you are snobby, stuck up, condescending, overbearing, self-righteous and, for some reason i cannot place, you act like you think you are better than me  
GA: That Is Indeed The Meaning Of Being Condescending Yes  
EB: oh screw you!   
GA: Perhaps  
GA: I  
GA: I Admit I Am Not Certain How To Deal With This Right Now  
EB: well it i get the feeling you dont like me very much either  
GA: Yes But  
GA: Well  
GA: We Got To This Point  
GA: But We Got Manipulated Every Step Of The Way  
EB: yeah see, that is one of the things ive been thinking about  
EB: and turns out knowing that ive been played doesnt change much about my dislike for you  
EB: i dislike you on my own terms  
GA: You  
GA: You Probably Do Not Even Realize How Cheesy That Sounds  
EB: not a clue  
GA: Well  
GA: Allow Me To Respond In Kind  
GA: I Think You Are A Buffoon   
GA: And I Am Not Talking About The Endearing Kind That Karkat Occasionally Is  
EB: wait, i am worse then karkat?   
GA: You Are Immature  
GA: Childish  
GA: Boorish  
GA: You Do Not Possess An Inkling Of Elegance  
GA: And Every Now And Then Something Happens That Only Serves To Illustrate How Much You Are Lacking In Intelligence  
GA: Do Kismesises Normally Respect One Another  
GA: No We Just Let Our Relation Sour To The Point Of Platonic Hatred  
GA: I Just Can Not Comprehend Your Lack Of A Thought Process  
GA: And Quite Frankly I Dont See What Vriska Sees In You  
EB: uhm…. are you jealous about that?   
GA: Why You Little  
EB: haha oh wauw  
EB: i didnt even try to be mean there, i was just concerned  
GA: Well It Would Seem You Are Naturally Aggravating  
EB: but thats a good thing isnt it?   
GA: Much To My Frustration  
GA: Yes It Is  
EB: hehehehehehe  
GA: So  
GA: I Mean  
GA: This Is Official Now  
GA: Question Mark  
GA: Are We Now In Kismesitude  
GA: Question Mark  
EB: you know you can just type the symbol right?   
EB: it exists for a reason  
EB: no one is gonna think less of you if you do something that is actually convenient  
GA: Does It Annoy You  
GA: Question Mark  
EB: kinda yeah  
GA: Then No  
GA: I Shall Not  
GA: And You Failed To Answer My Question  
EB: well  
EB: i kinda hate you, you kinda hate me  
EB: we already made out at that party  
EB: i dont see why it shouldnt be official  
GA: Hmmmmmm  
EB: oh what is it now?   
GA: Nothing  
GA: In Fact I Feel A Little Giddy  
GA: The Thought Of Putting This Locomotive Wreck Of A Courtship Behind Us And Actually Accepting Our Black Feelings Is A Weight Of My Shoulders  
EB: hehe, i know what you mean :B  
GA: But Somehow I Feel That Means Rose And Vriska Won  
EB: you mean that they would think we are only together now because they manipulated us?   
GA: Yes  
EB: well, it is kinda true isnt it?   
EB: i mean, no offense, but i wouldn’t even have thought of this without them  
GA: Rest Assured Your Lack Of Thought Comes As No Surprise To Me  
EB: uuuugh, stop trying to tell me i am stupid  
EB: i am not  
GA: If It Serves To Get Under Your Skin Then It Serves Its Purpose  
EB: who knew you could be such an asshole  
EB: worst kismesis ever  
EB: anyway, we need to get them back somehow  
GA: I May Have An Idea  
EB: oh?   
GA: It Is A Bit Daring But Then Again  
GA: Black Courtship Tends To Be Rather Destructive

* * *

 

Vriska returned to her mansion, unaware of how late it had gotten. Her talk with Lalonde was far less useful then she had hoped. It wasn’t even a day and she already missed John and Kanaya and the thought of them ignoring her or worse was horrible.

She was so absorbed in thought she didn’t notice the commotion around her house until she noticed the large crowd of sporks swarming the place.

Her mansion, her beautiful mansion, was being torn apart in front of her. Tornado’s erupted from every window, shattering the glass trough the gardens. Spatial distortions and flashes of green made entire sections of the wall disappear.  
Part of Vriska wanted to go in and stop the chaos, but she stood nailed to the ground.  
Another flash of green; the northern section of the wall disappeared and the roof partially collapsed onto the top floors. Another burst of wind and the refrigerator was flung through the already broken window.

Vriska quickly texted Rose, to let her know what was happening as a tornado lifted the roof of the mansion. With her vision eight-fold she could see what was happening in the center.

John and Kanaya were dancing in the air, within the tornado. While the human tried to lift them higher and higher. The troll would teleport them back down, taking the twister with her and shifting its position a bit every time.  
The sporks collectively gasped in awe as bit by bit the entire mansion got completely demolished by the growing tornado. Trees were torn from the ground or disappeared in flashes of green. Every part of the hive got swallowed by the tornado until the two of them finally decided to descend into the now ruined mansion.

Neither Vriska nor the sporks dared to approach the ruins any closer as violent bursts of wind still erupted from hive and flashes of green could still be seen.  
She wasn’t sure when Rose exactly got there but when she looked at the human she saw an expression of shock that mirrored her own. She didn’t seem very eager to get closer either.

After what must have been half an hour the violence finally stopped. Both goddesses of light and the crowd of sporks held their breath in anticipation. Vriska felt she wasn’t ready for this; what if Kanaya and John still hated her? Part of her wanted to take flight and get away from whatever was coming out of her wrecked mansion.  
Rose grabbed her arm and looked with grim determination at the ruins as a figure finally emerged.

Kanaya had scratches all over her face. The black dress she wore was torn to pieces and was only barely covering her body. Her exposed skin revealed more scratches, bite marks, bruises and suspicious splotches of jade fluid.  
Rose wordlessly walked over to the jadeblood who froze in place and carefully examined the human as she approached. The human moved her lips but for the first time, words seemed to fail her.

The troll sighed and kissed her matesprit aggressively. Vriska had to contain herself to not cheer them on.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry…..” Rose gushed the moment the kiss broke.”I never wanted to hurt you or John, I just wanted to---“ She was silenced when the troll went in for another kiss. Vriska couldn’t help it and did cheer them on this time.

“Please do not go behind my back again.” Kanaya sighed as she broke the kiss, looking her girlfriend in the eye.  
“But I—“  
“We’ll find a way for you to make it up to me.” The jadeblood purred. She placed a hand on Rose’s shoulder and in a green flash the human disappeared, leaving Kanaya and Vriska.

The blueblood couldn’t help but panic as her moirail approached and she closed her eyes when Kanaya approached. She could only listen and hope she wasn’t too angry.”John is probably still in there. You may wanna get him.” Her voice sounded like she just had the greatest fight in her life and won.”We shall jam about this tomorrow.”  
As Vriska opened her eyes again Kanaya had already teleported, probably to wherever she sent Rose a few seconds ago.

John was laying on top of the rubble, his godtier outfit completely torn, his chest completely bared and covered in scratches and jade fluid. The blue fabric was also stained jade and only barely covering his shame. Upon closer inspection there were two very suspicious puncture marks in his neck.  
Vriska sighed and sat down next to him.  
“I’m sorry.” She mumbled, avoiding eye-contact.”I guess I screwed up again.”  
John sighed happily.”Well, we did break your place down…….” He said, sounding awfully pleased with himself.”So if you’re not mad about that, we’ll call it even.”

Vriska looked at the face of her matesprit, who was blissfully looking up to the sky.”So……” the blueblood started.”Was it any good?”  
“Well, everything hurts…..”  
“That good huh?” the troll couldn’t help but feel a little proud of him.”I knew you’d be great with her. And to cause all this destruction on your first time? It’s beautiful.”

John snickered and turned his head a little to look at the troll.”You can stay at my place while the sporks rebuild this place.” He said, sounding cheerful as he did before this mess started.”Just promise you won’t do something like this again.”

Vriska nodded and laid down next to him, wrapping her hand in his.”I won’t. Promise.”

The two of them smiled as they looked up at the night sky, trying to ignore John’s lack of clothes or the sporks cheering behind them.

* * *

 

“So why is Terezi crashing here again?”  
“I burned her hive.”  
“She burned my hive.”  
“…….. WHY?”  
“I wanted to apologize to her.”  
“Ok, and you chose to do so with fire because?”  
“Well I thought everything was reversed for kismesises, hate is love, offending is flirting, so to apologize you make things worse.”  
“WHAT.”  
“I have no one to blame but myself.”  
“But you—“  
“Scoot over Karkat, there’s room enough for everyone.”  
“Jegus fuck……”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternative ending: Terezi suggests they start a fourway moiraillegiance as well to start a double-tripple-quadrant-reacharound. Scrapped for excesive use of the word double-tripple-quadrant-reacharound.
> 
> So, I finally did it. I have written a semi-serious story about the biggest crackship I could think of.
> 
> I really enjoyed writing the final chapter, but have mixed feelings about the work as a whole. I think it probably should have been a lot shorter. Regardless, I feel I learned a lot about multi-perspective narrative and isn't that what this is all about? Learning stuff?
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this experiment in madness.
> 
>  
> 
> **To express my gratitude for sticking with me trough the madness leave your favorite crackship/rarepairing in the comments. The ones I like the most will (eventually) be turned into a one-shot.**


End file.
